I did it.  I scheduled my appointment.  I have the CPT codes they are using for billing, so this week my mission is to call my insurance and find out how much this ultrasound is going to set me back.  That...and I need to keep my fingers crossed that my monthly "friend" doesn't come around because I'm not having the kind of ultrasound I have to have with that going on.

Anyway, I'm doing it.  I don't want to.  I've just gotten to the point where the pain it is causing me is causing me more fear of the unknown than finding out just what is going on.

I know that what I'm about to say is extreme, but maybe that's because I am a little extreme.  I don't know.  I'm so afraid they will find me riddled with cancerous tumors, perhaps so far out of control, 4 months later, to be able to anything.  

When you've had health problems that have ROBBED you of so much of your life, it is hard not to think of when you're facing another medical worry.   I've experience physical pain due to my neurological problem, and thanks to my neurological problem, I have also experienced the anguish of mental illness.  Of course if you are mentally ill, you aren't functional, right?  You're just "crazy" because face it, that's the stigma mental illness carries, to this day.  I am thankful for friends and family that know me, the real me, not letting the sick parts of me define who I am.  I am thankful that I have friends who have known the experienced both words of physical and mental anguish, and it makes life easier to know you can talk to someone who "gets it."

January 24th. I did it.


  1. Good for you....I know how you feel. I will pray all is well!


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