Showing posts from August, 2011


I want another baby someday, but I'm afraid.

Truly.  I so very much want to have another sweet little one, another pregnancy (for all its ups and downs), and I want A to be a big sister.

But I'm afraid.  I am afraid of those moments when I feel like I've gone "'round the bend" as Alice would say (we've been watching the Tim Burton version daily, sometimes more than once).  The things I've been through paralyze me with fear of having another--the stresses, the worries and sleeplessness, the anxiety and classic post-partum OCD thoughts...

Those things made me feel, and still do at times, like a failure of a mother.

But you know what?  I am a good mom.  I might even venture out there to say I'm a great mom.  There are certainly things I'd do differently and areas I still want to work on presently, but I feel like someday, when Ayes is all grown up, she will look back and know I did the best I could for her.  I hope that she will feel that it was not …

Dear Ayes...

I promise you, I will protect you.
I will not let you down.
Things will be better.
I won't give up on that.
Just five more days.
Tomorrow, please bring me an answer.


There is no shame in asking for help


On Monday, my sweet girl started "school" aka daycare.  When we took her in there, she walked right in, started playing, and didn't notice when we left.  However, when I called to check on her, she'd been crying on and off throughout the day.  I ended up picking her up about 5 hours after we dropped her off since we weren't officially back at work.  We mostly took her to help her (and us) transition a couple days before headed back to work officially on Wednesday (today).  When I picked her up, she was napping.  After finally opening her eyes, she started whimpering and hopped right into my arms.  She told me she painted, but she also told me "See Daddy.  See Boo.  See Oskie."  We talked about her day on the drive home.  I asked her if she felt sad at school, and she said, "I kai...Mama."  (I cry, Mama).  Meaning she was crying for me.  That broke my heart.

Tuesday's drop off was different for sure.  She was very reluctant to go in, and she…


Migraines are the bane of my existence at this moment.  They rob me of so much...the ability to work out, the ability to run and play with my daughter...the ability to function properly.  
I often wonder, when seeing an advertisement for migraine remedies, why do the models look like this...
Or this...
And this... Seriously folks, I don't look like any of these lovely ladies on a GOOD migraine-free day, so why on earth would we depict a migraine like this?  It looks somewhat glamorous.  It looks less than painful...more of an irritation or annoyance.  Anyone who suffers any kind of headaches/migraines/tension headaches/cluster headaches/sinus headaches knows that a migraine looks more like this...  And this... I swear the next time I'm writhing in excruciating pain, I'm going to have Brandon snap a few photos so that people can see what a migraine really looks like.
I find it extremely disheartening that the medical community doesn't seem to care.  There aren't any &qu…