Mama Speaks

I did it. I finished nursing school. In 1 week and 1 day, I will be getting pinned and celebrating the rollercoaster of a last 18 months. I knew nursing school would be hard, but I didn't realize all the ways it would test me. I've worked my butt off, accepting that I've worked harder for some of the B's I earned more than I ever did before in school to earn an A. Despite it all, I'm proud to say I finished nursing school with all A's and B's. I really wanted to be one of the students to prove the naysayers wrong, all those teachers and advisors saying, "No one earns all A's in nursing school." The thing is...it is so much more than grades. I've met incredible patients, been touched by their stories, and learned from nurses- lessons both good and bad.  Now, I'm moving forward to this next chapter, the part where I pass my boards and get a real RN job. It is funny because the path I thought I so carefully laid for myself and my future...

Last blog, I mentioned I've been having issues with my blood pressure. Since then, I've seen a nurse practitioner and been put on Norvasc, which has helped immensely. I was truly amazed at the wonderful care and concern I received from this new-to-me NP. She listened to all my concerns and ponderings, as I've been in the range for hyperparathyroidism and have many symptoms of hypothyroidism, despite my TSH being within normal limits. However, that lab value has been climbing quite a lot over the last 2 years. I'd only discovered the hyperparathyroidism after having a second kidney stone, at which time via CT scan they also incidentally found some small nodules on the lower lobe of my lung. Long story short, this NP listened to me, followed up with labs, and is sending me out for an endocrinology consultation. At the end of my first appointment with her, I thanked her tearfully for not berating me about my weight, which is what most medical professionals would do, maybe ...

I haven't blogged in 4 years. I stopped because I felt like anything I had to say, someone else would surely say so why should I bother? I guess it felt like I shouldn't try, no one would care, why waste my time yelling into the abyss? A lot has changed in the last 4 years, including adding a baby (now toddler) to the family, along with a pit bull puppy, bringing our pooch count to 3. I've been through a separation and resurrection of my marriage. I've been on a solo trip to meet my soul sisters, my fellow warrior mamas, that filled my heart and soul in ways I still can't describe fully.  I even quit teaching in the middle of my 10th year after spending a few semesters working full-time and taking full-time prerequisite classes to apply to the nursing program. I got accepted and walked away from 10 years of laughter and friendships, as well as stress and micromanagement. I took this wild leap of faith that I still can't fully wrap my head around. When people s...

Today, the judicial system failed Trayvon Martin.  Today, the laws failed Travyon.  Today, a child's killer will walk free because of words like "stand your ground" and "beyond a reasonable doubt." I watch people laud and stand proudly in amazement of the way our legal system works and functions. I am not impressed. You see, on May 24, 2002 at 3:08 pm, the system failed me.  The laws and the verbage of the eighth circuit courts in the state of Iowa failed ME.  The jury, eager to return to their lives, especially on a Friday afternoon with a 3-day weekend that would surely be interrupted by further deliberations, were acting according to the law, the instructions of the judge, words-powerful words... I do not feel the system worked.  I have been on the other side.  The all those forming their opinions, perhaps the "greatness" of our system and laws would be less than great if you had the displeasure of taking a walk on the "other side....

Yesterday, after a summer full of training, I completed my first ever 5k.  My training was a long road, with a couple of bumps.  At one point, I thought the training was exacerbating my migraines, so I stopped training.  Then, I realized that tons of people had migraines the week I was struggling, so I think it was more about the weather/barometric pressure than it was the running.  So I got back on board.  With my sister's wedding and back to work, I found myself exhausted and only got to train 1-2 times a week (on a good week) in the 3 weeks leading up to the 5k. Once upon a time, I tried to get into running, but it never "stuck."  This time, I got into it in desperation to lose weight.  The frustrations I've experienced over the last 1-2 years on and off with counting calories, working out, and trying everything I know how to do (short of starving myself) have been exhausting.  I've watched those around me do just what I am doing and lose lot...

I am surrounded by moms that inspire me beyond words.  Moms who encourage me, who push me, and who are there for me through everything.  Here's to the moms... To my grandma Kathleen, who I never got to meet.  You and Grandpa Denny have left a legacy behind and were able to instill love and values in your children,  in my very own mom, in the short years you got to be with them. I've been blessed to have my mom 20 years longer than she had you, and I hope for 20 more and 20 after those too. When I look at your pictures with your two different colored eyes and my same crooked smile, I feel like I know you.  I feel like you are a part of me.  My own mom made sure you were alive to us, that we always knew about you.  To my Mama Jennifer.  You have always talked to me like your daughter AND friend.  You've given me honesty and openness that most mothers don't afford their daughters.  When doctors didn't believe in me, y0u did.  ...