Mama Speaks

This is the story of our girl, Boo. In November 2007, Brandon went to the SPCA and adopted a very lively, wild mutt. "Lab mix" they said, yet in the years to come, we heard many things regarding what she looked like: pit, boxer, and beagle were the most frequent comments. B and I went over several names, disagreeing on most as we walked along the beach one night, until we came to "Boo." Actually, Boo Berry (like the cereal). I wasn't sure what to make of Boo at first. She was super cute, but STRONG and that scared me. I had spent most of my life with cats, minus some dogs in my early childhood years. Needless to say, we all bonded and loved each other deeply. I'll never forget bringing Boo home from her Oma's house (Brandon's mom) after the birth of our Ayla. She was so good around the baby. In fact, if the baby cried and we weren't there instantaneously, she was at our heels whining, as if she were saying, "The little human needs you....

I did it. I finished nursing school. In 1 week and 1 day, I will be getting pinned and celebrating the rollercoaster of a last 18 months. I knew nursing school would be hard, but I didn't realize all the ways it would test me. I've worked my butt off, accepting that I've worked harder for some of the B's I earned more than I ever did before in school to earn an A. Despite it all, I'm proud to say I finished nursing school with all A's and B's. I really wanted to be one of the students to prove the naysayers wrong, all those teachers and advisors saying, "No one earns all A's in nursing school." The thing is...it is so much more than grades. I've met incredible patients, been touched by their stories, and learned from nurses- lessons both good and bad.  Now, I'm moving forward to this next chapter, the part where I pass my boards and get a real RN job. It is funny because the path I thought I so carefully laid for myself and my future...

Last blog, I mentioned I've been having issues with my blood pressure. Since then, I've seen a nurse practitioner and been put on Norvasc, which has helped immensely. I was truly amazed at the wonderful care and concern I received from this new-to-me NP. She listened to all my concerns and ponderings, as I've been in the range for hyperparathyroidism and have many symptoms of hypothyroidism, despite my TSH being within normal limits. However, that lab value has been climbing quite a lot over the last 2 years. I'd only discovered the hyperparathyroidism after having a second kidney stone, at which time via CT scan they also incidentally found some small nodules on the lower lobe of my lung. Long story short, this NP listened to me, followed up with labs, and is sending me out for an endocrinology consultation. At the end of my first appointment with her, I thanked her tearfully for not berating me about my weight, which is what most medical professionals would do, maybe ...

I haven't blogged in 4 years. I stopped because I felt like anything I had to say, someone else would surely say so why should I bother? I guess it felt like I shouldn't try, no one would care, why waste my time yelling into the abyss? A lot has changed in the last 4 years, including adding a baby (now toddler) to the family, along with a pit bull puppy, bringing our pooch count to 3. I've been through a separation and resurrection of my marriage. I've been on a solo trip to meet my soul sisters, my fellow warrior mamas, that filled my heart and soul in ways I still can't describe fully.  I even quit teaching in the middle of my 10th year after spending a few semesters working full-time and taking full-time prerequisite classes to apply to the nursing program. I got accepted and walked away from 10 years of laughter and friendships, as well as stress and micromanagement. I took this wild leap of faith that I still can't fully wrap my head around. When people s...

Today, the judicial system failed Trayvon Martin.  Today, the laws failed Travyon.  Today, a child's killer will walk free because of words like "stand your ground" and "beyond a reasonable doubt." I watch people laud and stand proudly in amazement of the way our legal system works and functions. I am not impressed. You see, on May 24, 2002 at 3:08 pm, the system failed me.  The laws and the verbage of the eighth circuit courts in the state of Iowa failed ME.  The jury, eager to return to their lives, especially on a Friday afternoon with a 3-day weekend that would surely be interrupted by further deliberations, were acting according to the law, the instructions of the judge, words-powerful words... I do not feel the system worked.  I have been on the other side.  The all those forming their opinions, perhaps the "greatness" of our system and laws would be less than great if you had the displeasure of taking a walk on the "other side....

Yesterday, after a summer full of training, I completed my first ever 5k.  My training was a long road, with a couple of bumps.  At one point, I thought the training was exacerbating my migraines, so I stopped training.  Then, I realized that tons of people had migraines the week I was struggling, so I think it was more about the weather/barometric pressure than it was the running.  So I got back on board.  With my sister's wedding and back to work, I found myself exhausted and only got to train 1-2 times a week (on a good week) in the 3 weeks leading up to the 5k. Once upon a time, I tried to get into running, but it never "stuck."  This time, I got into it in desperation to lose weight.  The frustrations I've experienced over the last 1-2 years on and off with counting calories, working out, and trying everything I know how to do (short of starving myself) have been exhausting.  I've watched those around me do just what I am doing and lose lot...

I am surrounded by moms that inspire me beyond words.  Moms who encourage me, who push me, and who are there for me through everything.  Here's to the moms... To my grandma Kathleen, who I never got to meet.  You and Grandpa Denny have left a legacy behind and were able to instill love and values in your children,  in my very own mom, in the short years you got to be with them. I've been blessed to have my mom 20 years longer than she had you, and I hope for 20 more and 20 after those too. When I look at your pictures with your two different colored eyes and my same crooked smile, I feel like I know you.  I feel like you are a part of me.  My own mom made sure you were alive to us, that we always knew about you.  To my Mama Jennifer.  You have always talked to me like your daughter AND friend.  You've given me honesty and openness that most mothers don't afford their daughters.  When doctors didn't believe in me, y0u did.  ...

It has been quite some time since I last blogged.  I felt like I had run out of things to say.  I worried so much about how what I was saying would be received.  I feared I'd fall too much to one side or another of the fine line I was toting between insightful and fact-sharing with being "too much."  For those who know and love me, they get that I am often "too much" and love me for it anyway.  For those who know me and hate me, they'll get over it. My ultrasound of my ovaries revealed a complex benign cyst on my right ovary, which is strange considering that my left ovary was causing me so many problems.  Eventually, I may have to go back for a repeat ultrasound, but for now I have been feeling much better. Indulging at Mrs. Wilkes Kitchen In other news, I went gluten-free for about a month.  I experienced far fewer migraines, and I became accustomed to living a GF lifestyle.  Then, Brandon and I went on our honeymoon to Savannah, GA (alo...

I did it.  I scheduled my appointment.  I have the CPT codes they are using for billing, so this week my mission is to call my insurance and find out how much this ultrasound is going to set me back.  That...and I need to keep my fingers crossed that my monthly "friend" doesn't come around because I'm not having the kind of ultrasound I have to have with that going on. Anyway, I'm doing it.  I don't want to.  I've just gotten to the point where the pain it is causing me is causing me more fear of the unknown than finding out just what is going on. I know that what I'm about to say is extreme, but maybe that's because I am a little extreme.  I don't know.  I'm so afraid they will find me riddled with cancerous tumors, perhaps so far out of control, 4 months later, to be able to anything.   When you've had health problems that have ROBBED you of so much of your life, it is hard not to think of when you're facing another medic...

I am all about being pro-active about one's health.  I read all kinds of news articles, I watch documentaries, and I am trying to make conscious efforts to improve the quality of my family's life by the things we eat, the things we clean our homes and bodies with, and how we store our food.  We avoid HFCS, cellulose, and now canola oil.  We have slowly transitioned from our old plastic storage containers for leftovers to only using pyrex glass containers.  Ayla doesn't drink juice anymore because of arsenic and all the other garbage in juice, even the organic brand that we'd switched to after deciding to no longer purchase Juicy Juice due to our Nestle boycott . But I must admit I am neglecting to take care of an issue that has been going on for over 4 months. In August, I made an appointment with a new doctor.  I don't have a primary care physician, and I needed one.  To be honest, if I hadn't been at my wits end in need of a possible migraine medi...

I used to believe that I was a really great friend.  Sometimes I still believe that.   On the flip side, I also know I can talk too much and be too opinionated.  I make a conscious effort to listen more, but I don't think my opinionated-ness is going anywhere. Many times, I have made an effort to go above and beyond for my friends.  I really would do anything for my friends.  No doubt, there have been times when I have been all-consumed with  my own life-work, toddler, etc, etc-to be a truly good friend.  I have my many regrets. No matter what, I truly appreciate my friends.  I appreciate the friends (and family of course) that went out of their way to come to our wedding.  The friends and family who didn't utter a word about our catering disaster (who I will recommend that you NEVER hire for anything) at our wedding.  Everyone braved the storm, hugged and kissed us, and supported and complimented the one wedding day we got, ...

A couple nights ago, my daughter caused herself to puke since she was upset, well that was the straw on my back.  I cried my eyes out, and while my hormonal woman time is sure to be partially to blame, I know that that's not all. It is very hard sometimes to deal with those "mommy frustrations."   Sometimes for me, it is impossible. While I won't totally go into it, I will admit something. My "post-partum depression" is really more like post-partum OCD.  My life, at different periods since having bitty, have been filled with overwhelming thoughts of "what if I harmed her?"  Or if I go look in on her and check on her breathing, as I still always do every single day...well, sometimes my brain signals get mixed up.  My relief at her being okay gets mixed up with my worries, such as what if she stopped breathing, and the result is I feel relieved but am attributing it to whatever fear I had coming true.  Which is torturous.  It has made me feel ...

I cannot put into words how much the documentary Food Matters changed my thinking.  To think that we can truly heal ourselves, not just from the common cold but from CANCER, with high dose vitamins and true quality nutrition...it blows me away. I want to start treating my depression and anxiety with nutrition and high dose vitamins. I want to start treating my migraines and my chronic pain from RSD with nutrition and high dose vitamins. How often do we see someone lose weight and ask them their secret?  "A lifestyle change," they say. I would LOVE to see the day-to-day diet of these folks.  Are they eating a diet with 51 percent of each meal consisting of raw foods?  Are they drinking enough water?  Are they eating local fruits and vegetables?  Are they eating super foods?   I don't say this to question folks lifestyle changes.  Some friends of mine have truly changed their diets and lifestyle. But having been there myself, I also know th...

So much for 30 consecutive days of blogging.  I took a couple days to celebrate hub's birthday, but I'm back.  In my defense, I've blogged more this month than in the last few months combined. Yesterday, we watched a presentation by a charitable organization that we are required to watch each year.  I'm not sure how it is even allowable to require us to watch such a presentation, but I show up every year and sit through it. Every year, I get angrier and more bitter.  Neither of which I enjoy feeling. Don't get me wrong-I am actually a quite charitable person and donate or give of myself as much (or even more) than I can.  At one point, I was able to donate a sizable amount of money (for me) to a dear friend Jessica's wonderful non-profit called Beyond Measure Arts , which is an amazing, incredible, and worthy cause. I did it because I believe in the cause and because I believe in her mission.  I've done a number of other things, and I am proud to say...

In honor of our one month wedding anniversary, we are going to enjoy a banana dream cake (the kind we got for our wedding-our all time favorite long before the wedding), and tomorrow we get to celebrate Brandon's 28th year of life! For today's blog, I share with you a poem that was chosen by Brandon and I and read at our wedding by my future sister-in-law. Love by Roy Croft I love you Not only for what you are, But for what I am When I am with you. I love you, Not only for what You have made of yourself, But for what You are making of me. I love you For the part of me That you bring out; I love you For putting your hand Into my heaped-up heart And passing over All the foolish, weak things That you can't help Dimly seeing there, And for drawing out Into the light All the beautiful belongings That no one else had looked Quite far enough to find I love you because you Are helping me to make Of the lumber of my life Not a tavern But a temple. ...

Today I have been thinking about food...and water.  Not only is our theme in Reading this week Foods Around the World, but we are now two-thirds done with watching Food Matters .  (What can I say?  It takes us awhile with our busy schedules). Did you know...(all info from the documentary Food Matters-available on Netflix streaming) If you start a totally organic diet tomorrow, you actually will get sick?  Your body has to rid its tissue of toxins before it can start taking in the great nutrients an organic diet offers. Most toxins are released through your bowels.  This is a good thing considering how nasty the toxins our bodies take in are.  Better to poop them out then sweat them out all over our skin to be reabsorbed. Two handfuls of cashews contain a therapeutic amount of niacin, which can help reverse depression? 100,000+ people die in the U.S. each year from prescription medicine that has been prescribed to them and used exactly as directe...