Mama Speaks

On Monday, my sweet girl started "school" aka daycare.  When we took her in there, she walked right in, started playing, and didn't notice when we left.  However, when I called to check on her, she'd been crying on and off throughout the day.  I ended up picking her up about 5 hours after we dropped her off since we weren't officially back at work.  We mostly took her to help her (and us) transition a couple days before headed back to work officially on Wednesday (today).  When I picked her up, she was napping.  After finally opening her eyes, she started whimpering and hopped right into my arms.  She told me she painted, but she also told me "See Daddy.  See Boo.  See Oskie."  We talked about her day on the drive home.  I asked her if she felt sad at school, and she said, "I kai...Mama."  (I cry, Mama).  Meaning she was crying for me.  That broke my heart. Tuesday's drop off was different for sure.  She was ve...

Childcare.  It is probably one of the most difficult decisions a family has to make when there is no option (or desire, in some cases) to be a stay-at-home-mom or dad(SAHM/SAHD).  Go through 9 long months of pregnancy, a number of hours or days in labor and pushing (or going through major abdominal surgery aka c-section...which is often unnecessary-but that's another post, another day) to bring a precious baby into this world.  Then, spend the next 6 weeks sleepless, attempting to feed and soothe a crying baby, and try to manage to shower a few times and maybe choke down a brownie or two.  Oh wait, what now?  That's right, you get to go back to work before you've even fully recovered or established solid breastfeeding (again, another blog, another day). And you have to leave your baby with someone else.  Sometimes, we are lucky enough to have someone in our life that we love and trust that can care for our precious lil bitty.  In my case, I was luck...

Last night, my future sis-in-law/babysitter/friend, Danielle, called me.  We played phone tag, heck I even pocket called her!  When I finally answered her, after first rejecting her call on my cracked phone whilst trying to answer, she said she had something to tell me.  Of course, I always expect people to tell me they are pregnant, which in this scenario would not be possible.  Anyway, she told me that as of May (the end of our school year) she will no longer be watching Ayla. This hit me like a ton of bricks.  I wasn't blindsided by this though.  I've known that this was always a possibility and probability.  But it didn't make it any easier.  In fact, I cannot even sit here typing this blog without getting all teary-eyed. Logically, I know Ayla will be okay.  She will thrive, in reality, and probably love being around lots of kids and working on a learning curriculum with teachers.   I'm just not sure if I'll be okay. To unde...