Mama Speaks

My beautiful girl...and me, the me I can't stand looking at in the mirror. I hate being fat.  I hate it.  I didn't gain that much weight during my pregnancy, only 37 pounds.  Now, while I realize it is suggested to gain only 15-25, I know MANY women who have told me they gained 50, 60, 70, 80 pounds during their pregnancy.  Yet I find myself, today, weighing 3-4 pounds more than when I left the hospital...only 18-20 pounds lighter than I was the last time I got weighed before Ayla was born. Ick Being this heavy is ruining my life in a number of ways.  I don't mean to say my life is over or ruined because I'm overweight (technically obese according to my BMI), but it is having so many negative effects on my life.   Love the belly I can't buy clothes.  I've tried. Nothing fits, even when I try other sizes.  It is like my body was built all wrong, then add the weight on top of it...screwed. In the last 2 years, I've purchased very few it...

This is my bridge.  My "run your ass off" bridge.  My mom got started walking it the summer Ayla was born.  I went with her on and off, but I got out of doing it when I got back to work that Fall.  Too tired, unmotivated, etc. Well, I'm baaaaack.  5 months until our wedding.  When I weighed in on Saturday, I was at 154.8.  I had to go back on Sunday to make sure it was true!  I've been trying to get below the 155 mark, which hasn't gone so well.  I kicked off my whole weight loss with Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet.  It went great-I didn't feel deprived after the first few days of adjusting to life without my love, carbs.  I lost about 6-7 lbs, but as soon as Phase 2 began (reintroducing 1 carb at at time over a period of weeks), I fell off the wagon.  I tell you what, that first piece of bread was my gateway carb! Now I am just watching my calories on MyFitnessPal, which is a pretty rad website.  Yep, I said rad....

My weekend has been very busy, but I feel accomplished and had a great time in the process.  Friday, I stayed home from work with Ayla because Danni's grandfather passed away last month, and the family all joined here after the holidays to have his celebration of life, starting on Friday and lasting over the weekend.  Ayla and I pretty much napped the day away, which we obviously both needed.  Ayla has been hard hit with being sick, getting a cold immediately following her recovery from her first ear infection.  She must be like her mama-sleep to recover.   Friday evening, Brandon, Ayla, and I went to go meet with Indica Woodruff, a wedding photographer.  I really adore her work, and I've realized recently that I know over a half dozen people she's done wedding photos for.  She's so personable, and I am really excited to have my heart set on a photographer.  I also ordered our save the dates and got a great deal on them.  I've slowly s...

Recently, I began a weight loss challenge group on Facebook, and I have a handful of friends (old and new) involved.  At this point, I've tried everything but starvation and liposuction, so might as well give this a shot.  My brother's ex (from way back in high school) suggested it to me, and when I saw her results-wow!  She looks better now than she did in high school! First and foremost, I am looking forward to going wedding dress shopping when I've lost 15-20 lbs. of the 35 I want to lose. Then...my jeans.  I have so many wonderful pairs of blue jeans that I miss wearing so much.  Right now, I'm stuck with these Old Navy ones that are cut higher on my stomach because, well, that's how they'll fit me.  And they pinch, they bind, and they make me so uncomfortable.  Much like my weight.  I can't wait to fit into a pair of old jeans again, a luxury I never thought I'd have to go without. Colder weather is upon us, and I refuse to go a 3rd wi...