Mama Speaks

The days of my life before motherhood seem so far away, yet I remember. I remember when I felt fat and hideous wearing my size 8s.  How I would LOVE to be that "fat" again. Another thing I remember is my expansive underwear collection, most of which consisted of thongs.  In fact, my only other underwear were my "period underwear."  C'mon ladies, you know you have a pair or two.  The ones that don't make an appearance in rotation until that special time of the month comes around.   The ones you wear because you don't care what Mother Nature does to them.  Period underwear exist in the last phase of undies before they go to retirement at the county dump. Anyway, I remember having conversations with some people (kept anonymous for their privacy) about my "gross thongs." "How can they be comfortable?" "Why even wear them?" "Yuck!" Of course, I defended my butt floss adamantly.   "They're comfor...

"You're right. You are absolutely right. Cars are not safe for children. Ok, neither are bookcases or squirrels, strong winds, people who sneeze. They're all going to get your baby. But honey you don't feel this was because you were in an accident. You feel this way because you are a parent." -Dr. Miranda Bailey, Grey's Anatomy Tonight on Grey's, Callie freaked out when it was time for her and baby Sofia to go home.  She said it wasn't safe for her out there.  That the last time she was in a car (in utero) they were both almost killed. (Maybe someone should tell Callie about how rear facing is 5 times safer!)  To which Dr. Bailey replied with the quote listed above. What parent doesn't feel that way?  In a world of natural disasters, predators, household dangers, and other various scary things, how couldn't you? As a mom, I have experienced many worries. I've worried about if Ayes is eating enough. I've worried about if I might...

So apparently, Amy Chua wrote a memoir all about her role as a Tiger Mom .  At first, I was confused, with all the popular discussion of " cougars ."  Those two things, in fact, are not at all remotely related.   versus Cougar? Back to Amy, good ol' Amy.  Her parenting philosophy is, according to her, Chinese mothering.  This basically means that your child has to be the best at everything.  They must be 2 years ahead in math.  They must play an instrument, but only the piano or violin.  They must practice at least 3 hours a day.  It means there is no room for failure, and there certainly is no allowance for showing pride in your child's accomplishments.  No sleepovers, no TV, no choice in extracurriculars.  And no complaining.  And yet, according to her (and said children), her children are happy, well-adjusted, and grew up feeling loved. Enter Sloth Mama... Which then brings us to " sloth moms ," which I s...

You know you've seen her.  That mom .  You know, the one who is talking to her baby, having a full-on conversation about what she's buying while grocery shopping and talking about the big white truck while walking through the parking lot. Who does that?  I mean, they can't talk back anyway! I'll tell you who does that-a good parent does that.   For some parents, talking to their infants is instinctual, while for others it is painful and unnatural.  I, for one, felt extremely uncomfortable talking to the belly.  It just seemed unusual to me...like I didn't know what to say.  But the brilliant thing about talking to an infant is that you don't have to talk about anything in particular, you can talk about anything and everything. I won't get into a full-on research paper here with MLA citations and sources, but I know what I'm talking about.  After all, I am an early childhood major.  Brain development, learning through play (REAL learn...

Shortly after Ayla was born, people began making a point of telling me, "Oh, she looks just like Brandon."   (She didn't.  She actually looked Asian the day she was born.) "Oh, she has Brandon's _____ (nose, smile, chin, eyebrows, earlobes)!" I have to admit, this annoyed the crap out of me.  It still does sometimes, actually.  I usually just agree and say, "Hey, I was there, too!" or "At least she has my stunning personality." I gave birth to a 8 lb. 10 oz. baby girl.  I am a 5 foot tall woman.  I felt like I deserved a little credit.  It almost felt to me like I spent 9 months cooking my little sweet pea, then I got to have my body forever changed giving birth to her.  My tailbone still hurts, for Pete's sake. Of course, my family and some friends say they see the resemblance between her and I.  When I look at baby photos from my siblings and I, I see us in her.  When I look at Brandon's baby pictures, I see him as well....

Life can be separated into two phases: before baby and after baby. When I became a mom, I feel like I started a whole new life... Before baby...I slept in on weekends.  I napped often. After baby...sleeping in consists of that extra hour A sleeps compared to the work week (during which we have to wake her up). Before baby...I loved buying myself cute new shoes, just for fun. After baby...my feet grew 1/2 a size, rendering my cute shoe collection useless.  (By the way, aside from the crocs I bought several months back, I just bought my first pair of cute sandals since having A.  That is a LONG time to go without wearing cute shoes...) Before baby...I loved going out all the time with my friends. After baby...I feel lucky to get to talk to my friends and see them once every couple of months. Before baby...I enjoyed going to the gym and working out for hours on end. After baby...I wish I could figure out how to afford the gym and how to find the time for it...

I lay in bed last night, unable to sleep due to fact that my pooch, Boo, was hogging all the bedspace between B & I.  I thought about getting out of bed to come write this blog that came to mind in those sleepless moments, but I decided to finally nudge Boo so I could get some zzz's. I hope that Ayla has a difference experience of "friendship" than I did for most of my  childhood and teenage years.  Its not that I didn't have any friends or that my friends were bad, it's just that the number of negative and traumatic experiences I had far outweigh the good. When I was in elementary school, I was tormented and teased about everything from my red hair and fair skin to my "nerdiness."  I am not sure how or why I was such an easy target.  I was a really sweet, nice girl who would play with anyone and help anyone, but it just made me a target for hate-filled attacks.  By 5th grade, I was the favorite target for a classmate, who did everything from pr...

I'm THAT mom. That's right, I said it. I'm the mom who agonized over breastfeeding, trying everything in her power to make it work.  I'm the mom who cried when she fed her precious newborn the last of her mother's milk. But I'm also the mom that fed her sweet baby formula when there was no choice left. I'm the mom who posts every article and video on the importance of rear-facing and extended rear-facing babies in car seats.  I'm the mom who agonizes over the number of moms who choose not to follow these recommendations, even when they have read the cold hard facts.  That it is 500% safer for all babies in a collision.  It actually makes me nauseous because I know the devastation that can be caused by a collision.  It stole my grandparents away from me, away from my mom and her siblings at such a young age. But I'm also the mom that didn't know better until a friend (not a pediatrician, shockingly, who still gives wrong recommendations...

My stress levels have been SO HIGH lately, and not for any one specific reason.  I have been having terrible migraines with shoulder and neck pain on top of horrendous tailbone pain (cracked tailbone during childbirth almost 2 years ago) to boot. I do not often talk about my job on this blog, as I know that many teachers have faced serious consequences for airing their negative views or opinions in a public forum.  However, I will say that there are a number of things going on in my state (merit pay + eliminating tenure, pay freeze for my entire career, standardized tests) that have caused many of my wonderful friends a great deal of turmoil, stress, and anxiety.  There are, of course, the perks of the job that are priceless, for instance receiving a note from a parent letting you know that they will never forget the difference you made for their child. My sweet daughter has been very rambunctious and has been learning a lot about boundaries and limitations.  It...

The Sun, Part I was supposed to be about how my whole world revolves around Ayla.  Then, I got sidetracked and typed out (somewhat) her birth story.   So, back to the point. I've come to realize that my whole life revolves around Ayla.  For instance, if I want to go to the store or get money from the bank or do anything involving anything, I have to consider several things.  Is Ayla ready?  Am I ready with the things Ayla might need (aka snacks and other distractions & diapers)?  How much longer will it take me to do this and do I really need to do this after all?  I mean, who needs groceries?  And when she was little, it was even more involved.  The car seat that was her chariot  was so heavy to carry such a small baby in to go everywhere.  To the car.  Inside the store.  Back to the car.  Phew!  Plus, the water for the formula and the formula and the other many things we thought we might need....

Last night, my future sis-in-law/babysitter/friend, Danielle, called me.  We played phone tag, heck I even pocket called her!  When I finally answered her, after first rejecting her call on my cracked phone whilst trying to answer, she said she had something to tell me.  Of course, I always expect people to tell me they are pregnant, which in this scenario would not be possible.  Anyway, she told me that as of May (the end of our school year) she will no longer be watching Ayla. This hit me like a ton of bricks.  I wasn't blindsided by this though.  I've known that this was always a possibility and probability.  But it didn't make it any easier.  In fact, I cannot even sit here typing this blog without getting all teary-eyed. Logically, I know Ayla will be okay.  She will thrive, in reality, and probably love being around lots of kids and working on a learning curriculum with teachers.   I'm just not sure if I'll be okay. To unde...

Until you have a child, you never realize just how much revolves around one tiny person.  In fact, even during pregnancy, your life is claimed by something outside of yourself (well, inside technically, but outside of your life experience to that point).   When I was pregnant, everything revolved around my belly.  How big it was, how high or low, did I mention how big?  Everyone was so fixated on that one thing, and I have to admit, I was too.  I remember longing for my "bump" to appear so I could look pregnant instead of just chubby.  Before I knew it, around month 5, I was having tremendous pains that had me convinced something was terribly wrong with Ayla.   That pain would be called round ligament pain as my body was growing quite literally by the second.  I remember at the end of one weekend noticing how big I had gotten just since that Friday. Every day, it seemed, someone was asking me about how far along I was, how long was left, and...

I sometimes wonder how some parents keep that fresh, youthful, energized look about them.  I, unfortunately, do not.  I wear every tired moment of motherhood on my face, in my posture, and in between my eyebrows. So, as some of you may remember, Ayla had gotten into the bad habit of hitting, kicking, slapping, and even an incident where she once clapped my face. Lucky for us, that bad habit has been taken down a notch.  I'm by no means saying that she is a flower-wearing, peace-loving hippie these days.  I'm just saying she picks and chooses the moments to show that lovely side of herself. Out with the old, in with the new.  Ayla has recently become very verbal (read: screaming) when she doesn't get her way.  Additionally, when she has something she should (most likely breakable or dangerous), she decides that rather than give it to us upon request, she instead would much prefer to launch it at the nearest hard surface.  This is why I can't have...

My household is experiencing a case of the terrible twos...about 5 months early!  Ayla's latest obsession is hitting, kicking, and slapping me.  Also, when she finds something she isn't supposed to have (usually something expensive and/or breakable) and is told to give it back, she instead runs and LAUNCHES said item at the nearest hard surface.  It is exhausting.  She is so smart (all moms think that, but I've had non-biased parties tell me so, so it must be true-wink) so we spend a lot of time talking about her behavior. Me: "Do we hit?" Ayla: "Nooo!" Me: "Is hitting nice or..." Ayla: "Meeeen!" Me: "What do you say?" Ayla: "Sawddy" (sorry) Then, she says "aww" and hugs me.  Which is sometimes followed by another slap.  The struggle is day-to-day.  Do I give her a mean mommy face?  Do I ignore her since she's looking for a reaction?  Do we do (another) time out?  I vary my strategy because...

Life is a Verb: 37 Days to Wake Up, Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally I'm reading a new book on my Kindle, and I'm really enjoying it (thanks to Ette for funding this special birthday purchase) so far.  It starts off talking about how the author's stepdad was diagnosed with lung cancer and died 37 days later.  It goes on to talk about how eventually we are all 37 days away from our own death... The question is not a new one: how would you spend those days?  The author goes on to explain that as a mother of small children, we probably wouldn't spend it doing wild, crazy, extravagant things like going around the world.  Nor would we spend the time dusting and scrubbing and organizing and straightening the house.  Instead, we'd eat more pancakes and play harder and all those things we do on "special occasions."  Another point the author makes is that what we write is the legacy we leave behind.  She even went on to talk about how our children deser...

This afternoon, Ayla and I met up with our good friends Amanda, Ivan, and Ezra.  The really cool thing about Ezra is that he's just a couple weeks younger than Ayla.  I still remember the day I got a Facebook IM from Amanda telling me that she was also pregnant and also due in June (my due date was June 2).  Amanda and I met through a mutual friend, Brandy, whom I worked with at Starbucks.   Our friendship blossomed as we attended a church group called Immersed together.  I always thought she was pretty awesome, and even though she's younger than me, I always looked up to her in many ways. As life and time would have it, we eventually grew apart.  She moved up North with her husband, as he pursued further education.  Well, I guess God works in funny ways for both of us to end up pregnant at the same time.  Of course, her pregnancy was planned and mine wasn't, but there was no mistake.  These babies were the perfect gift for each of our...