Mama Speaks

My beautiful girl...and me, the me I can't stand looking at in the mirror. I hate being fat.  I hate it.  I didn't gain that much weight during my pregnancy, only 37 pounds.  Now, while I realize it is suggested to gain only 15-25, I know MANY women who have told me they gained 50, 60, 70, 80 pounds during their pregnancy.  Yet I find myself, today, weighing 3-4 pounds more than when I left the hospital...only 18-20 pounds lighter than I was the last time I got weighed before Ayla was born. Ick Being this heavy is ruining my life in a number of ways.  I don't mean to say my life is over or ruined because I'm overweight (technically obese according to my BMI), but it is having so many negative effects on my life.   Love the belly I can't buy clothes.  I've tried. Nothing fits, even when I try other sizes.  It is like my body was built all wrong, then add the weight on top of it...screwed. In the last 2 years, I've purchased very few it...

Oh my goodness, I love Pandora.  I've been listening to it each evening on my laptop whilst I check Facebook, e-mail, and various whatnots.  I put in the title of the song "Bad Day" (the Fuel version, not the Powter guy), and every song that comes on is full of nostalgia and emotion for me.  Love it! Originally I was going to title this blog something entirely different, and now I can't even remember what it was except that it was entirely negative, not because I'm feeling entirely negative, but because of the content I had in mind for tonight's blog. Over the weekend, I tried on wedding dresses for the 2nd time, and even though it started as a total failure, fate had a hand in things.  Just as we were getting ready to go to IKEA for surely some shopping success, a girl came in and tried on a dress that I've been eyeing via internet for some time now.  Of course, my mom told me I must try it on, and I took the timing of it all to be my sign to actuall...

Recently, I began a weight loss challenge group on Facebook, and I have a handful of friends (old and new) involved.  At this point, I've tried everything but starvation and liposuction, so might as well give this a shot.  My brother's ex (from way back in high school) suggested it to me, and when I saw her results-wow!  She looks better now than she did in high school! First and foremost, I am looking forward to going wedding dress shopping when I've lost 15-20 lbs. of the 35 I want to lose. Then...my jeans.  I have so many wonderful pairs of blue jeans that I miss wearing so much.  Right now, I'm stuck with these Old Navy ones that are cut higher on my stomach because, well, that's how they'll fit me.  And they pinch, they bind, and they make me so uncomfortable.  Much like my weight.  I can't wait to fit into a pair of old jeans again, a luxury I never thought I'd have to go without. Colder weather is upon us, and I refuse to go a 3rd wi...

I took a day off work to prepare for our garage sale tomorrow.  Actually, both of us did!  We've been meaning to have one, but it seems like we never get around to getting it done.  I am amazed at how many precious baby clothes I am going to sell, but I have saved my very favorites, certain ones I'll probably never part with.  The bad thing about keeping clothes, is you put them safely in a nice bin, and when you take them out-BAM!  There are stains on the clothes that never existed when they were being worn.   Let me get off track here for a second.  I am the queen of laundry, second only to my mother.  Do I get it all done and keep my laundry room empty?  No.  I'm the queen because I can get almost any stain out of almost any item of clothing.  Years of being my mom's understudy has prepared me for any clothing catastrophe to come my way. Back to the point, the clothes get stained magically.  I feel like it is bette...