Mama Speaks

Life has been more than hectic to say the least.  With our wedding just 13 days from now, our time has been consumed with having final meetings with our vendors, finishing the last details of our ceremony and reception, and all those other wonderful wedding moments.  Not to mention, we're both extremely busy with our full time jobs and the joys of parenting, home ownership, and caring for our pets. I've considered deleting this blog or being done with it altogether-but not because I don't like blogging or don't value this blog anymore.  I've felt pretty uninspired when it comes to writing, and if inspiration does come, I am too tired or busy to do anything about it. Some things that have been on my mind: 1. Recently, I had a friendship end over something I said to my friend about car seat straps.  It really upset me to lose a friendship over something like this.  The thing is, when I thought about it, I concluded that my intentions were good, something I ...

Ten Things That Have Been On My Mind (how's that for a title/intro?) In no special order... 10. Lack of money, the fact that I haven't had a raise my entire career (pay freeze), debt, and eating lots of sunbutter & jelly sandwiches until payday. 9. The end of a friendship/friends understanding the intention and heart behind what we say and do 8. How to make fixing A's hair easier on her (and me) 7. Waking up with a daily migraine and prescription medication that is as effective as popping tic-tacs 6. Wedding vows 5. "Spring" cleaning the house 4. How thankful I am for the wonderfully supportive, kind, and intuitive friends and family I have 3. Writer's block aka why I haven't blogged in...ages. 2. Purpose 1. Did I mention the wedding?  25 days. I'm back?

I want another baby someday, but I'm afraid. Truly.  I so very much want to have another sweet little one, another pregnancy (for all its ups and downs), and I want A to be a big sister. But I'm afraid.  I am afraid of those moments when I feel like I've gone "'round the bend" as Alice would say (we've been watching the Tim Burton version daily, sometimes more than once).  The things I've been through paralyze me with fear of having another--the stresses, the worries and sleeplessness, the anxiety and classic post-partum OCD thoughts... Those things made me feel, and still do at times, like a failure of a mother. But you know what?  I am a good mom.  I might even venture out there to say I'm a great mom.  There are certainly things I'd do differently and areas I still want to work on presently, but I feel like someday, when Ayes is all grown up, she will look back and know I did the best I could for her.  I hope that she will feel tha...

I promise you, I will protect you. I will not let you down. Things will be better. I won't give up on that. Just five more days. Tomorrow, please bring me an answer. Love, Mama

This week's Phenomenal Mom has asked to remain anonymous.  What I can tell you is that she is a wonderful mother, and I admire her courage and strength to speak out about Post-Partum Depression (PPD).  It is a very really illness, but many studies find that moms don't get help because of the stigma.  When I read her story, I got the chills because many of her words felt as though they were my own.  Thank you to this old friend of mine for bringing this into the light and giving hope and knowledge to so many.            When our first son was born, I was completely overjoyed. I had immediate overwhelming unconditional love for him. My husband (boyfriend at the time) and I knew right away, we wanted to have another child. We wanted our children to be close in age so they would play well together. After our son reached his first birthday, baby fever started to set in. We got pregnant for the second time when our old...

On Monday, my sweet girl started "school" aka daycare.  When we took her in there, she walked right in, started playing, and didn't notice when we left.  However, when I called to check on her, she'd been crying on and off throughout the day.  I ended up picking her up about 5 hours after we dropped her off since we weren't officially back at work.  We mostly took her to help her (and us) transition a couple days before headed back to work officially on Wednesday (today).  When I picked her up, she was napping.  After finally opening her eyes, she started whimpering and hopped right into my arms.  She told me she painted, but she also told me "See Daddy.  See Boo.  See Oskie."  We talked about her day on the drive home.  I asked her if she felt sad at school, and she said, "I kai...Mama."  (I cry, Mama).  Meaning she was crying for me.  That broke my heart. Tuesday's drop off was different for sure.  She was ve...

Migraines are the bane of my existence at this moment.  They rob me of so much...the ability to work out, the ability to run and play with my daughter...the ability to function properly.   I often wonder, when seeing an advertisement for migraine remedies, why do the models look like this... Source Or this... Source And this... Source     Seriously folks, I don't look like any of these lovely ladies on a GOOD migraine-free day, so why on earth would we depict a migraine like this?  It looks somewhat glamorous.  It looks less than painful...more of an irritation or annoyance.  Anyone who suffers any kind of headaches/migraines/tension headaches/cluster headaches/sinus headaches knows that a migraine looks more like this... Source  And this... Source     I swear the next time I'm writhing in excruciating pain, I'm going to have Brandon snap a few photos so that people can see what a migraine really looks like. I fi...