Mama Speaks

I did it.  I scheduled my appointment.  I have the CPT codes they are using for billing, so this week my mission is to call my insurance and find out how much this ultrasound is going to set me back.  That...and I need to keep my fingers crossed that my monthly "friend" doesn't come around because I'm not having the kind of ultrasound I have to have with that going on. Anyway, I'm doing it.  I don't want to.  I've just gotten to the point where the pain it is causing me is causing me more fear of the unknown than finding out just what is going on. I know that what I'm about to say is extreme, but maybe that's because I am a little extreme.  I don't know.  I'm so afraid they will find me riddled with cancerous tumors, perhaps so far out of control, 4 months later, to be able to anything.   When you've had health problems that have ROBBED you of so much of your life, it is hard not to think of when you're facing another medic...

I am all about being pro-active about one's health.  I read all kinds of news articles, I watch documentaries, and I am trying to make conscious efforts to improve the quality of my family's life by the things we eat, the things we clean our homes and bodies with, and how we store our food.  We avoid HFCS, cellulose, and now canola oil.  We have slowly transitioned from our old plastic storage containers for leftovers to only using pyrex glass containers.  Ayla doesn't drink juice anymore because of arsenic and all the other garbage in juice, even the organic brand that we'd switched to after deciding to no longer purchase Juicy Juice due to our Nestle boycott . But I must admit I am neglecting to take care of an issue that has been going on for over 4 months. In August, I made an appointment with a new doctor.  I don't have a primary care physician, and I needed one.  To be honest, if I hadn't been at my wits end in need of a possible migraine medi...

I used to believe that I was a really great friend.  Sometimes I still believe that.   On the flip side, I also know I can talk too much and be too opinionated.  I make a conscious effort to listen more, but I don't think my opinionated-ness is going anywhere. Many times, I have made an effort to go above and beyond for my friends.  I really would do anything for my friends.  No doubt, there have been times when I have been all-consumed with  my own life-work, toddler, etc, etc-to be a truly good friend.  I have my many regrets. No matter what, I truly appreciate my friends.  I appreciate the friends (and family of course) that went out of their way to come to our wedding.  The friends and family who didn't utter a word about our catering disaster (who I will recommend that you NEVER hire for anything) at our wedding.  Everyone braved the storm, hugged and kissed us, and supported and complimented the one wedding day we got, ...

A couple nights ago, my daughter caused herself to puke since she was upset, well that was the straw on my back.  I cried my eyes out, and while my hormonal woman time is sure to be partially to blame, I know that that's not all. It is very hard sometimes to deal with those "mommy frustrations."   Sometimes for me, it is impossible. While I won't totally go into it, I will admit something. My "post-partum depression" is really more like post-partum OCD.  My life, at different periods since having bitty, have been filled with overwhelming thoughts of "what if I harmed her?"  Or if I go look in on her and check on her breathing, as I still always do every single day...well, sometimes my brain signals get mixed up.  My relief at her being okay gets mixed up with my worries, such as what if she stopped breathing, and the result is I feel relieved but am attributing it to whatever fear I had coming true.  Which is torturous.  It has made me feel ...

I cannot put into words how much the documentary Food Matters changed my thinking.  To think that we can truly heal ourselves, not just from the common cold but from CANCER, with high dose vitamins and true quality nutrition...it blows me away. I want to start treating my depression and anxiety with nutrition and high dose vitamins. I want to start treating my migraines and my chronic pain from RSD with nutrition and high dose vitamins. How often do we see someone lose weight and ask them their secret?  "A lifestyle change," they say. I would LOVE to see the day-to-day diet of these folks.  Are they eating a diet with 51 percent of each meal consisting of raw foods?  Are they drinking enough water?  Are they eating local fruits and vegetables?  Are they eating super foods?   I don't say this to question folks lifestyle changes.  Some friends of mine have truly changed their diets and lifestyle. But having been there myself, I also know th...

So much for 30 consecutive days of blogging.  I took a couple days to celebrate hub's birthday, but I'm back.  In my defense, I've blogged more this month than in the last few months combined. Yesterday, we watched a presentation by a charitable organization that we are required to watch each year.  I'm not sure how it is even allowable to require us to watch such a presentation, but I show up every year and sit through it. Every year, I get angrier and more bitter.  Neither of which I enjoy feeling. Don't get me wrong-I am actually a quite charitable person and donate or give of myself as much (or even more) than I can.  At one point, I was able to donate a sizable amount of money (for me) to a dear friend Jessica's wonderful non-profit called Beyond Measure Arts , which is an amazing, incredible, and worthy cause. I did it because I believe in the cause and because I believe in her mission.  I've done a number of other things, and I am proud to say...

In honor of our one month wedding anniversary, we are going to enjoy a banana dream cake (the kind we got for our wedding-our all time favorite long before the wedding), and tomorrow we get to celebrate Brandon's 28th year of life! For today's blog, I share with you a poem that was chosen by Brandon and I and read at our wedding by my future sister-in-law. Love by Roy Croft I love you Not only for what you are, But for what I am When I am with you. I love you, Not only for what You have made of yourself, But for what You are making of me. I love you For the part of me That you bring out; I love you For putting your hand Into my heaped-up heart And passing over All the foolish, weak things That you can't help Dimly seeing there, And for drawing out Into the light All the beautiful belongings That no one else had looked Quite far enough to find I love you because you Are helping me to make Of the lumber of my life Not a tavern But a temple. ...