End of an Era
Last night, my future sis-in-law/babysitter/friend, Danielle, called me. We played phone tag, heck I even pocket called her! When I finally answered her, after first rejecting her call on my cracked phone whilst trying to answer, she said she had something to tell me. Of course, I always expect people to tell me they are pregnant, which in this scenario would not be possible. Anyway, she told me that as of May (the end of our school year) she will no longer be watching Ayla.
This hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn't blindsided by this though. I've known that this was always a possibility and probability. But it didn't make it any easier. In fact, I cannot even sit here typing this blog without getting all teary-eyed.
Logically, I know Ayla will be okay. She will thrive, in reality, and probably love being around lots of kids and working on a learning curriculum with teachers.
I'm just not sure if I'll be okay.
To understand where I am coming from, you'd need to know some history. First of all, from the first time I met Danni, I knew I liked her a lot and hoped Denny would date her for a long, long time. Danni was one of the few people that found out I was pregnant in the beginning. When she felt Ayla kick through my belly for the first time, she cried. She got all teary watching Ayla's 4D video. When she asked me if she could be there when Ayla was born, I was surprised but welcomed the idea. She took pictures-amazing National Geographic type photos-while I had Ayla and in the moments after. She saw Ayla's face before I did.
Over the last two years, we've had ups and downs, no doubt. People are only human and have their own opinions and ways of handling things, but the good news is we've always been able to find a way through those ups and downs.
Over the last two years, she has texted me pictures on an almost daily basis so I never had to wonder how my sweet girl was doing or what she was up to. She has kept track of nap length, number of poops per day, and how much Ayla was or wasn't eating and drinking. (Seriously, I just can't get through this without bawling). She has taken thousands of pictures of all the cute, silly, gross things Ayla does. I have never had to worry, not for one moment. You can't put a price tag on that, and if I could pay her my whole salary and still be able to pay my own bills, I would.
It has been a wonderful journey with her, these first two years through motherhood. Not only that, but we've grown closer and been through a lot together her and I. I don't know if I would've gotten through these years without knowing her love for Ayla and Ayla's love for her.
For example, today when Ayla woke up from a nap, she said, "Debbie, Skor, cat, Arielle, Danielle, Tim, toy, play." Debbie is Danni's mom, Skor is their dog, the cat is theirs (Butterscotch), Arielle is the 3 year old she watches and Tim is the 15 month old she also watches. What a sentence! What a way for her to tell me, "Hey Mom, I'm enjoying being here with you, but can I go back to my regular routine?"
I don't know how I'll do it. How I'll take her to a daycare center where, as much as they may care for her, they will never love her the way I know Danni does. I don't know how I'll make it through the day without wanting nothing more than to race out of work to go get her.
But I will do it. I will get used to it, and when I see Ayla thriving and making lots of new friends and learning 101 new things as she grows, I will know the time was right for this change. How I wish I could be one of those people that handles change with grace and acceptance, but that's never been my strong suit.
So, with tears streaming down my face as I write this, I guess I am writing this as my thank you to her. My thank you for the endless days of being worry-free. For the photos of my little girl, where I get to watch her grow before my eyes while I'm away at work. For the special visits to work to have lunch with me. For helping me raise up such a wonderful little girl, with so much love and kindness and intelligence. There is never a way to thank someone for that. The experience has made my life and especially Ayla's so rich and beautiful.
This hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn't blindsided by this though. I've known that this was always a possibility and probability. But it didn't make it any easier. In fact, I cannot even sit here typing this blog without getting all teary-eyed.
Logically, I know Ayla will be okay. She will thrive, in reality, and probably love being around lots of kids and working on a learning curriculum with teachers.
I'm just not sure if I'll be okay.
To understand where I am coming from, you'd need to know some history. First of all, from the first time I met Danni, I knew I liked her a lot and hoped Denny would date her for a long, long time. Danni was one of the few people that found out I was pregnant in the beginning. When she felt Ayla kick through my belly for the first time, she cried. She got all teary watching Ayla's 4D video. When she asked me if she could be there when Ayla was born, I was surprised but welcomed the idea. She took pictures-amazing National Geographic type photos-while I had Ayla and in the moments after. She saw Ayla's face before I did.
Over the last two years, we've had ups and downs, no doubt. People are only human and have their own opinions and ways of handling things, but the good news is we've always been able to find a way through those ups and downs.
Over the last two years, she has texted me pictures on an almost daily basis so I never had to wonder how my sweet girl was doing or what she was up to. She has kept track of nap length, number of poops per day, and how much Ayla was or wasn't eating and drinking. (Seriously, I just can't get through this without bawling). She has taken thousands of pictures of all the cute, silly, gross things Ayla does. I have never had to worry, not for one moment. You can't put a price tag on that, and if I could pay her my whole salary and still be able to pay my own bills, I would.
It has been a wonderful journey with her, these first two years through motherhood. Not only that, but we've grown closer and been through a lot together her and I. I don't know if I would've gotten through these years without knowing her love for Ayla and Ayla's love for her.
For example, today when Ayla woke up from a nap, she said, "Debbie, Skor, cat, Arielle, Danielle, Tim, toy, play." Debbie is Danni's mom, Skor is their dog, the cat is theirs (Butterscotch), Arielle is the 3 year old she watches and Tim is the 15 month old she also watches. What a sentence! What a way for her to tell me, "Hey Mom, I'm enjoying being here with you, but can I go back to my regular routine?"
I don't know how I'll do it. How I'll take her to a daycare center where, as much as they may care for her, they will never love her the way I know Danni does. I don't know how I'll make it through the day without wanting nothing more than to race out of work to go get her.
But I will do it. I will get used to it, and when I see Ayla thriving and making lots of new friends and learning 101 new things as she grows, I will know the time was right for this change. How I wish I could be one of those people that handles change with grace and acceptance, but that's never been my strong suit.
So, with tears streaming down my face as I write this, I guess I am writing this as my thank you to her. My thank you for the endless days of being worry-free. For the photos of my little girl, where I get to watch her grow before my eyes while I'm away at work. For the special visits to work to have lunch with me. For helping me raise up such a wonderful little girl, with so much love and kindness and intelligence. There is never a way to thank someone for that. The experience has made my life and especially Ayla's so rich and beautiful.
This was beautiful to read, Amber. For a child to form a bond like this with an adult (that's not a parent) is wonderful, and so rare. My daughter hasn't had an experience like this, but reading about it between Ayla and Danni was almost as if Joaquin Jaide had experienced it herself. It sounds as if it was a wonderful experience, and I am likewise sad to hear it will be ending. Hopefully Ayla does well in daycare!
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