The Sun, Part II.
The Sun, Part I was supposed to be about how my whole world revolves around Ayla. Then, I got sidetracked and typed out (somewhat) her birth story.
So, back to the point.
I've come to realize that my whole life revolves around Ayla. For instance, if I want to go to the store or get money from the bank or do anything involving anything, I have to consider several things. Is Ayla ready? Am I ready with the things Ayla might need (aka snacks and other distractions & diapers)? How much longer will it take me to do this and do I really need to do this after all? I mean, who needs groceries? And when she was little, it was even more involved. The car seat that was her chariot was so heavy to carry such a small baby in to go everywhere. To the car. Inside the store. Back to the car. Phew! Plus, the water for the formula and the formula and the other many things we thought we might need. Then, we'd be in the store and she'd totally not be digging being the car seat, so we'd have to rock and bounce her through the store. Now, this wasn't always and every time, but it was enough times to be memorable for sure!
My social life (or lack thereof) revolves around Ayla. We sometimes have Ayla stay with our wonderful and awesome family while we go out, but most of the time we don't. When I leave Ayla, I miss her. I feel guilty. I feel like I already miss so much while I'm working, so it is extremely difficult for me to leave her to go out and do something.
Conversations revolve around her, too. Many days after duty ends at work, I talk with my friend Michelle as we head back to pack up for the day. Just the other day, we had a conversation about boogers and fingernail dirt. I. kid. you. not. I'm a picker, so of course boogs hanging out of A's nose drives me bonkers! She has actually resorted to snuggling up to me to avoid the picking. Sorry kiddo! I talk about the latest gross/cute/exciting thing she has done. I talk about her fevers/what she eats/her latest cute and/or gross habits. I talk about the latest book/toy/activity she has been into these days. In the first 6 months of her life, I talked SO MUCH about her poop/pee/formula consumption/other bodily fluids.
When we go out to dinner with her, I think about what she's going to eat. I think about making sure she eats enough and not just a meal of ketchup (which she mostly prefers these days). I think about if she's chewing her food enough, and I catch the upchuck when she tries to swallow a piece of boiled egg before chewing it (happened just last night). I think about how annoying it is when she throws pickles and a breakable (broken) plate overboard (happened last night too).
I think about Ayla in everything I do. In the way I drive, in the choices I make with what I buy/what we eat/what words I say.
She amazes me, she really does. This little person, growing and changing and becoming right before my eyes. It really is a miracle, that we get to raise a baby. That anyone gets to. It is such an enormous task, and I think even the most prepared parents spend most of their parenthood learning as they go. Even though we shape our children, I have to say the longer I'm a mom, I think that our children really shape us. I'm not the mom I want to be yet, but I know that I'm doing things right because my world revolves around her. I do have my own interests and a career and friends and a fiance', don't get me wrong. Its just that I think having her in our lives has shaped and motivated us.
Things that have recently amazed me about my little bitty:
So, back to the point.
I've come to realize that my whole life revolves around Ayla. For instance, if I want to go to the store or get money from the bank or do anything involving anything, I have to consider several things. Is Ayla ready? Am I ready with the things Ayla might need (aka snacks and other distractions & diapers)? How much longer will it take me to do this and do I really need to do this after all? I mean, who needs groceries? And when she was little, it was even more involved. The car seat that was her chariot was so heavy to carry such a small baby in to go everywhere. To the car. Inside the store. Back to the car. Phew! Plus, the water for the formula and the formula and the other many things we thought we might need. Then, we'd be in the store and she'd totally not be digging being the car seat, so we'd have to rock and bounce her through the store. Now, this wasn't always and every time, but it was enough times to be memorable for sure!
My social life (or lack thereof) revolves around Ayla. We sometimes have Ayla stay with our wonderful and awesome family while we go out, but most of the time we don't. When I leave Ayla, I miss her. I feel guilty. I feel like I already miss so much while I'm working, so it is extremely difficult for me to leave her to go out and do something.
Conversations revolve around her, too. Many days after duty ends at work, I talk with my friend Michelle as we head back to pack up for the day. Just the other day, we had a conversation about boogers and fingernail dirt. I. kid. you. not. I'm a picker, so of course boogs hanging out of A's nose drives me bonkers! She has actually resorted to snuggling up to me to avoid the picking. Sorry kiddo! I talk about the latest gross/cute/exciting thing she has done. I talk about her fevers/what she eats/her latest cute and/or gross habits. I talk about the latest book/toy/activity she has been into these days. In the first 6 months of her life, I talked SO MUCH about her poop/pee/formula consumption/other bodily fluids.
When we go out to dinner with her, I think about what she's going to eat. I think about making sure she eats enough and not just a meal of ketchup (which she mostly prefers these days). I think about if she's chewing her food enough, and I catch the upchuck when she tries to swallow a piece of boiled egg before chewing it (happened just last night). I think about how annoying it is when she throws pickles and a breakable (broken) plate overboard (happened last night too).
I think about Ayla in everything I do. In the way I drive, in the choices I make with what I buy/what we eat/what words I say.
She amazes me, she really does. This little person, growing and changing and becoming right before my eyes. It really is a miracle, that we get to raise a baby. That anyone gets to. It is such an enormous task, and I think even the most prepared parents spend most of their parenthood learning as they go. Even though we shape our children, I have to say the longer I'm a mom, I think that our children really shape us. I'm not the mom I want to be yet, but I know that I'm doing things right because my world revolves around her. I do have my own interests and a career and friends and a fiance', don't get me wrong. Its just that I think having her in our lives has shaped and motivated us.
Things that have recently amazed me about my little bitty:
- She is putting lots of words together to express herself. I imagine she'll be speaking in full on sentences before she's 2.
- She is pretending with her toys. She will make a person figurine walk or a doggy toy bark. She pushes her baby in the stroller, then takes her out. Then she insists that the baby get buckled in again for "safety" before wanting to take her out again two seconds later. (When I buckle her car seat, I sing "Buckle up for safety, for safety, my darling." She sings safety to me, and she mimics this with her doll).
- She does the sweetest little things out of nowhere. Like the other morning, when she was home sick with me, she woke up and kissed me on the tip of my nose as a good morning. :)
- She can identify parts of a story by their pictures and says things to go with the picture that are actually what is happening in the story. Her favorite to do this with is Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus.
- She has taken a real interest in pointing things out and naming them. This isn't new, but the things she's pointing out and naming are new. I love that her vocabulary is growing by the day, literally. Her new favorite things in the house to look at are a decorative owl, eagle (that was my grandfather's), and turtle. She also loves looking at our pet frog (insisting, "See! See!") and my classroom pet crab ("crabby" as she says, who is here for the weekend).
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