Nothing special
My weekend has been very busy, but I feel accomplished and had a great time in the process. Friday, I stayed home from work with Ayla because Danni's grandfather passed away last month, and the family all joined here after the holidays to have his celebration of life, starting on Friday and lasting over the weekend. Ayla and I pretty much napped the day away, which we obviously both needed. Ayla has been hard hit with being sick, getting a cold immediately following her recovery from her first ear infection. She must be like her mama-sleep to recover.
Friday evening, Brandon, Ayla, and I went to go meet with Indica Woodruff, a wedding photographer. I really adore her work, and I've realized recently that I know over a half dozen people she's done wedding photos for. She's so personable, and I am really excited to have my heart set on a photographer. I also ordered our save the dates and got a great deal on them. I've slowly started getting addresses together, and we've been checking over the guest list. Funny how you start realizing people you forgot as you check over the list!
My mom, sister Alexis, Ayla, and I went to David's Bridal to pick up my wedding dress (I don't like calling it a gown...sounds like a nightgown maybe??) and look at a new style of bridesmaids' dress that has come out since we ordered my dress 2 weeks ago. My wedding dress is just stunning-even if I don't manage to lose a pound, I will look terrific. The place was packed and every woman that walked by me stopped to turn and look at my dress. So exciting! I love the bridesmaid dress that Alexis tried on, so I can check that off my list once I get all the girls in there to get sized and order their dresses. After David's Bridal, we headed across the way to IKEA. We mostly went into share a piece of their decadent chocolate cake (probably the best chocolate cake I've ever had), but we ended up shopping around. My mom found a great shelving unit to get her couponing stash organized, among some other fun things like fabric we've loved forever that is finally on sale (but sadly being phased out). I was very good and only got 2 things. I got a power strip with 3 outlets for in my bedroom to keep all my electronics charging, and I also got a really lovely wooden step stool that I need desperately for our kitchen. I'm so short, I can never reach anything!
My migraines have been pretty awful recently, and I'm not sure why. We've had some fires lately which have caused suffocating and disgusting amounts of smoke in the air, which I think triggered the avalanche of migraines I've been having. I've also been stressed and am in desperate need of a good chiropractic adjustment and massage.
My sources of stress are pretty typical: managing tight finances, managing household and work responsibilities, and the never-ending task of trying to lose weight and get in shape, which I'm failing miserably at.
I don't know why I can't get motivated to do the things I need to do to lose weight. I've been better about watching my food intake, but I obviously haven't been strict enough. I have totally failed to get into an exercise routine, in part due to tiredness/laziness and in part due to be incapacitated from these hellish migraines. I've struggled so much to lose weight in a number of different ways since having Ayla, and I know the areas I've fallen short, but it really discourages me and snubs out any motivation I may have had. I guess today is a new day for me to brush myself off, plan to try something new, and have the optimism that I can be successful if I really put myself into it.
It is just painful to be in this body, and I am sick of continuing to talk and think about it. The energy it requires is just draining. The summer before I moved to Florida (2002) I went from being 115 lbs at graduation to 155 lbs when we arrived at our new home. I put on 40 lbs in 4 months. My weight became a struggle in my teens, which is pretty typical I imagine, but I also had a number of factors that put my weight out of my control. I was on dozens and dozens of various medications to manage my disease, some of which made me balloon in weight (steroidal medications, which I had injected and in pill form for quite a length of time during those years) and others (self-injectable pain medications during one of the worst times of my illness) that made me wish and pray to be hungry because nothing tasted good and my weight plummeted to about 95 lbs.
When I moved to Florida, I decided enough was enough. I wanted to take my life back after reaching my highest weight ever. For a couple of months, I pretty much starved myself. It was horrible. I stressed about everything I did and did not put into my mouth. I also started going on 6 mile bicycle rides with my brother. The weight started coming off, but then a wonderful thing happened. My first semester in college, I took a health analysis and fitness class, and my teacher was wonderful. He encouraged me to workout however I was able because at the time, it was near impossible for me to do much strength training. So, I started off doing a little, then a little more. The weight continued to come off, but I also noticed some other amazing benefits. My depression, which I have struggled with ever since becoming sick, subsided. My energy level was terrific. My focus was sharp and my motivation level high. Eventually, I began volunteering in the gym at my college. I LOVED IT. I loved being around the people there-it wasn't a "meathead" gym. It was people of all ages and body types who were, in large part, focused simply on healthy living. My work was simple; I kept the machines clean and was there for the gym members. But I also worked out daily. If it was slow, I worked out while I worked. I worked out and showered before going to class. My fitness was totally balanced. I always did cardio and strength training. I worked out all my muscle groups. I was the poster child for reforming one's health.
Eventually, I started my university classes, which left me with less time to workout. Later, it turned into no time to workout between working and being a full time student. Luckily, my coffee shop jobs kept me very physically active, running around like crazy. Then I got a teaching job, fell in love, and spent my weekends commuting to maintain my long distance relationship. I don't regret those things because I have a wonderful fiance', beautiful daughter, two dogs, and a home of our own. I just wish somehow that I hadn't lost the fit, active, and healthy me...because once you fall out of that habit for so long, it is 100 times harder to get back into it. I want to make a real change, one that I can live with for my life. I just don't know how to get there.
Friday evening, Brandon, Ayla, and I went to go meet with Indica Woodruff, a wedding photographer. I really adore her work, and I've realized recently that I know over a half dozen people she's done wedding photos for. She's so personable, and I am really excited to have my heart set on a photographer. I also ordered our save the dates and got a great deal on them. I've slowly started getting addresses together, and we've been checking over the guest list. Funny how you start realizing people you forgot as you check over the list!
My mom, sister Alexis, Ayla, and I went to David's Bridal to pick up my wedding dress (I don't like calling it a gown...sounds like a nightgown maybe??) and look at a new style of bridesmaids' dress that has come out since we ordered my dress 2 weeks ago. My wedding dress is just stunning-even if I don't manage to lose a pound, I will look terrific. The place was packed and every woman that walked by me stopped to turn and look at my dress. So exciting! I love the bridesmaid dress that Alexis tried on, so I can check that off my list once I get all the girls in there to get sized and order their dresses. After David's Bridal, we headed across the way to IKEA. We mostly went into share a piece of their decadent chocolate cake (probably the best chocolate cake I've ever had), but we ended up shopping around. My mom found a great shelving unit to get her couponing stash organized, among some other fun things like fabric we've loved forever that is finally on sale (but sadly being phased out). I was very good and only got 2 things. I got a power strip with 3 outlets for in my bedroom to keep all my electronics charging, and I also got a really lovely wooden step stool that I need desperately for our kitchen. I'm so short, I can never reach anything!
My migraines have been pretty awful recently, and I'm not sure why. We've had some fires lately which have caused suffocating and disgusting amounts of smoke in the air, which I think triggered the avalanche of migraines I've been having. I've also been stressed and am in desperate need of a good chiropractic adjustment and massage.
My sources of stress are pretty typical: managing tight finances, managing household and work responsibilities, and the never-ending task of trying to lose weight and get in shape, which I'm failing miserably at.
I don't know why I can't get motivated to do the things I need to do to lose weight. I've been better about watching my food intake, but I obviously haven't been strict enough. I have totally failed to get into an exercise routine, in part due to tiredness/laziness and in part due to be incapacitated from these hellish migraines. I've struggled so much to lose weight in a number of different ways since having Ayla, and I know the areas I've fallen short, but it really discourages me and snubs out any motivation I may have had. I guess today is a new day for me to brush myself off, plan to try something new, and have the optimism that I can be successful if I really put myself into it.
It is just painful to be in this body, and I am sick of continuing to talk and think about it. The energy it requires is just draining. The summer before I moved to Florida (2002) I went from being 115 lbs at graduation to 155 lbs when we arrived at our new home. I put on 40 lbs in 4 months. My weight became a struggle in my teens, which is pretty typical I imagine, but I also had a number of factors that put my weight out of my control. I was on dozens and dozens of various medications to manage my disease, some of which made me balloon in weight (steroidal medications, which I had injected and in pill form for quite a length of time during those years) and others (self-injectable pain medications during one of the worst times of my illness) that made me wish and pray to be hungry because nothing tasted good and my weight plummeted to about 95 lbs.
When I moved to Florida, I decided enough was enough. I wanted to take my life back after reaching my highest weight ever. For a couple of months, I pretty much starved myself. It was horrible. I stressed about everything I did and did not put into my mouth. I also started going on 6 mile bicycle rides with my brother. The weight started coming off, but then a wonderful thing happened. My first semester in college, I took a health analysis and fitness class, and my teacher was wonderful. He encouraged me to workout however I was able because at the time, it was near impossible for me to do much strength training. So, I started off doing a little, then a little more. The weight continued to come off, but I also noticed some other amazing benefits. My depression, which I have struggled with ever since becoming sick, subsided. My energy level was terrific. My focus was sharp and my motivation level high. Eventually, I began volunteering in the gym at my college. I LOVED IT. I loved being around the people there-it wasn't a "meathead" gym. It was people of all ages and body types who were, in large part, focused simply on healthy living. My work was simple; I kept the machines clean and was there for the gym members. But I also worked out daily. If it was slow, I worked out while I worked. I worked out and showered before going to class. My fitness was totally balanced. I always did cardio and strength training. I worked out all my muscle groups. I was the poster child for reforming one's health.
Eventually, I started my university classes, which left me with less time to workout. Later, it turned into no time to workout between working and being a full time student. Luckily, my coffee shop jobs kept me very physically active, running around like crazy. Then I got a teaching job, fell in love, and spent my weekends commuting to maintain my long distance relationship. I don't regret those things because I have a wonderful fiance', beautiful daughter, two dogs, and a home of our own. I just wish somehow that I hadn't lost the fit, active, and healthy me...because once you fall out of that habit for so long, it is 100 times harder to get back into it. I want to make a real change, one that I can live with for my life. I just don't know how to get there.
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