Teen Mom(s)
Surely by now, many of you have heard of 17-year-old Gaby Rodriguez's social experiment. Long story short, the teen pretended to be pregnant. Unbeknown to her classmates, teachers, and family (except her mom, boyfriend, and school principal) she was gauging the reaction and support (or lack of) she'd receive during what would is probably one of the most challenging times of any woman's (teenager or not) life. She stood before her school and shared some of the rumors she'd heard about herself before she took off the baby belly and shared her presentation called "Stereotypes, rumors, and statistics."
Wow.
People said the nastiest things about her. She was left feeling "alone and ashamed." Even with a high GPA, many felt as though she wouldn't finish school or go on to college.
Way to go society.
Here's the deal. Some local high schools have daycare for teen moms. People like to piss and moan about it, saying that it encourages teen pregnancy.
What?!
What about this, instead? It encourages young mothers to get an education that will open doors for them to professional careers and college. In the long run, those educated mamas will be able to support themselves and their child. Did they make a mistake? Perhaps. I don't feel like that's my job to make that call. But I think that we do a disservice to these young ladies by shunning them and judging their choice. They get to be ridiculed for being a teenage mom, but guess what? They didn't have an abortion, which I'm sure as hell would make people a lot more upset. Except those moms do it in secret and live with the pain and sometimes shame for years to come. They just don't get the public ridicule with their secret decision.
How many adults do you know who "whoops" got pregnant?
I'm one of them. I spent plenty of time "playing with fire" so to speak. Months after getting on birth control, I got pregnant. Go figure. And I have to say, sadly, that I feel like I even faced some of the same types of judgment that teen moms go through. Only I was a 25-year-old college educated woman with a career. Shame on me. Of course the shame people project on to me for being an unmarried mother is just as bad. I often call Brandon my husband to avoid having to tell the boring story of how I didn't want to be 6 months pregnant in a wedding dress. I didn't want my wedding to be like that (no offense to anyone who did it that way, if that's what they wanted). Would it have been better for Brandon and I to have gotten married out of societal pressure and end up divorced a year later? I think we deserve to be commended, dammit. We may have done things out of order, according to some, but we have built our relationship, learned how to argue, and raised a smart, happy well-adjusted little girl together. And now we're planning our wedding.
My whole point is this. If every person that spent their precious time, energy, resources, and breath complaining helping young mothers instead, perhaps things would be different.
Maybe if we actually sucked it up and had good sex education (read: NOT abstinence only...we can see that's NOT working) programs in our schools, we'd be empowering young men and women to avoid pregnancy until they have planned for it and help them avoid other consequences (STDs) of sex with multiple partners, unprotected sex, or sex before they're really ready.
I think the greatest gift we can give others is the empowerment to do well for themselves (after all isn't that what teaching is all about?). If we pretend pregnant teens don't exist, then we are guaranteeing ourselves that many more people to potentially need to support with our tax dollars.
Day care for teen moms now? Or welfare later? You decide. Make your judgments wisely. After all, you've made mistakes before right? Who's to say that your mistakes were any greater or lesser than another's?
Wow.
People said the nastiest things about her. She was left feeling "alone and ashamed." Even with a high GPA, many felt as though she wouldn't finish school or go on to college.
Way to go society.
Here's the deal. Some local high schools have daycare for teen moms. People like to piss and moan about it, saying that it encourages teen pregnancy.
What?!
What about this, instead? It encourages young mothers to get an education that will open doors for them to professional careers and college. In the long run, those educated mamas will be able to support themselves and their child. Did they make a mistake? Perhaps. I don't feel like that's my job to make that call. But I think that we do a disservice to these young ladies by shunning them and judging their choice. They get to be ridiculed for being a teenage mom, but guess what? They didn't have an abortion, which I'm sure as hell would make people a lot more upset. Except those moms do it in secret and live with the pain and sometimes shame for years to come. They just don't get the public ridicule with their secret decision.
How many adults do you know who "whoops" got pregnant?
I'm one of them. I spent plenty of time "playing with fire" so to speak. Months after getting on birth control, I got pregnant. Go figure. And I have to say, sadly, that I feel like I even faced some of the same types of judgment that teen moms go through. Only I was a 25-year-old college educated woman with a career. Shame on me. Of course the shame people project on to me for being an unmarried mother is just as bad. I often call Brandon my husband to avoid having to tell the boring story of how I didn't want to be 6 months pregnant in a wedding dress. I didn't want my wedding to be like that (no offense to anyone who did it that way, if that's what they wanted). Would it have been better for Brandon and I to have gotten married out of societal pressure and end up divorced a year later? I think we deserve to be commended, dammit. We may have done things out of order, according to some, but we have built our relationship, learned how to argue, and raised a smart, happy well-adjusted little girl together. And now we're planning our wedding.
My whole point is this. If every person that spent their precious time, energy, resources, and breath complaining helping young mothers instead, perhaps things would be different.
Maybe if we actually sucked it up and had good sex education (read: NOT abstinence only...we can see that's NOT working) programs in our schools, we'd be empowering young men and women to avoid pregnancy until they have planned for it and help them avoid other consequences (STDs) of sex with multiple partners, unprotected sex, or sex before they're really ready.
I think the greatest gift we can give others is the empowerment to do well for themselves (after all isn't that what teaching is all about?). If we pretend pregnant teens don't exist, then we are guaranteeing ourselves that many more people to potentially need to support with our tax dollars.
Day care for teen moms now? Or welfare later? You decide. Make your judgments wisely. After all, you've made mistakes before right? Who's to say that your mistakes were any greater or lesser than another's?
Well said... VERY well said!
ReplyDeleteWONDERFUL Amber. And you are right, you absolutely should be commended for not rushing into marriage, making your relationship solid, and doing what is best for YOUR family. I'm just so thankful our babies reunited us and I get to help you celebrate the perfect wedding you want and DESERVE :)
ReplyDelete"My whole point is this. If every person that spent their precious time, energy, resources, and breath complaining helping young mothers instead, perhaps things would be different."
ReplyDeleteMINE TOO!! And about everything! No matter what order things happened in, MOTHERS SHOULD GET MORE SUPPORT!!