Mama Speaks

As a teacher, one thing I have discovered that has made my relationship with my students better and more productive is to tell them my pet peeves.  Each teacher (read: person) is so different, so best to let my kiddos know the things that drive me bonkers.  The students respond well and understand because they, too, have pet peeves of their own. Recently, I read an article online or in a magazine (or God knows where) about taking care of ourselves the way we take care of our toddlers.  For example, I know if Ayla hasn't had a good nap, she's likely to have a meltdown.  For many of us, we have our own needs that must be met before we are worth two poops to anyone else.  Naps, a close watch on our blood sugar, a moment to unwind...whatever. Here are some of my pet peeves... 1. People who type in all caps, in text lingo, or with words such as "dat, grl, whatvr, imna."  It just hurts my brain and pisses me off to be frank.  I know too many intelligent...

This afternoon, Ayla and I met up with our good friends Amanda, Ivan, and Ezra.  The really cool thing about Ezra is that he's just a couple weeks younger than Ayla.  I still remember the day I got a Facebook IM from Amanda telling me that she was also pregnant and also due in June (my due date was June 2).  Amanda and I met through a mutual friend, Brandy, whom I worked with at Starbucks.   Our friendship blossomed as we attended a church group called Immersed together.  I always thought she was pretty awesome, and even though she's younger than me, I always looked up to her in many ways. As life and time would have it, we eventually grew apart.  She moved up North with her husband, as he pursued further education.  Well, I guess God works in funny ways for both of us to end up pregnant at the same time.  Of course, her pregnancy was planned and mine wasn't, but there was no mistake.  These babies were the perfect gift for each of our...

I was recently looking at my blog stats, and to this day Dirty Laundry remains my most popular blog post.  I was wondering what about it made it so interesting to readers.  I finally decided it must be that I was willing to put it out there-the gritty, ugly truth.  Like most people, I like to keep those kind of unspeakable things to myself, but I don't know what purpose it serves except for upholding an image-who or what people think I am.  People should care about me, flaws, catastrophic mistakes, and all.  The struggles I've faced and the errors I've made only make me human, no more or no less than who I really am. More often than not, I think that we don't like admitting our own misguided choices because we still don't forgive ourselves for them.  We say we've moved on, but I think many of us carry those things around with us.  Perhaps by airing our dirty laundry, we can move on. All of these mistakes are years and years and years past, but I st...

Yesterday, as I was headed to the veterinarian with my diarrhea-vomiting dog, I was talking with my mom on the phone.  She proceeded to tell me that her good friend Z (not her real name) had called in tears, telling my mom that she had lost her brother earlier that morning.  He had just come to visit with her earlier in the month.  He suffered a heart attack, but he came out of the surgery and appeared to be making a recovery.  Then, he coded and died. My mom has often told me about the strength, guts, and kindness that Z has had throughout her life, even through the hardest of times.  I've actually met Z and her daughter, and they are just the loveliest people.  Sadly, Z lost her job (where my mom used to work with her) earlier this year.  She didn't deserve to lose her job-she got laid off not based on her work or years in the company.  She lost her job because she (much like myself) stands up and says something when she sees that things are n...

A determination.  Although resolution is described as a noun, I find it to be more of a verb because no matter what you resolve to do, the first step is taking action. I resolve to do many things throughout the year, however I am not among the many who are against new year's resolutions.  In fact, I like the chance to reflect and plan ahead.  I am a to-do list maker. For 2011, I resolve... 1. To adopt a livable eating and exercise habit.  I had one in my old life, the one before I was a mom and a full-time teacher, and now it is time for find a new one. 2. Begin serving my purpose.  I have many passions and talents, and I'd like my life to use those talents including the kind of work I do.  I know I am not fulfilling my purpose.  I really enjoy teaching, but I know it isn't my final destination.  I need to live a passionate life. 3. Declutter.  Get rid of the mess and muss and stick to the basics.  I am well on my way with my dec...

I have too much stuff.  My house has stuff here, there, everywhere.  I want to take all of it and put it in a garbage bag and call it a day.  My new couch is piled with stuff, our end tables, our entertainment shelving unit.  The totes full of Christmas stuff are piled high.  Our eckbunk (German corner table/bench) is covered in crap half the time.  Mail-bills and junk.  Clothes-clean and dirty.  Shoes, toys, work stuff.  Dust bunnies.  It is seriously driving me crazy. When we bought this house, I thought of all the room we'd have.  Our office is bursting at the seams with boxes from Brandon's past and some things from mine as well.  Thank God for my mom who hasn't thrown all my stuff away in my old bedroom at home.  I don't know where I can put it! My closet is a graveyard for clothes I'll never wear again due to size or fashion issues. Pregnancy has rendered my shoe collection useless, now a half size too small. ...

Ayla Marley has started showing me how she folds her hands so sweetly and says "amen."  Her Aunt Danni (who watches her) says a blessing over the food before the kiddos eat.  It is so sweet, so precious, so wonderful to see her do that. I feel like I let her down.  Isn't a mother supposed to teach her daughter how to pray? Religion.  Faith.  God. I grew up talking about God and having faith.  I went through changes and doubts in my faith, especially when I got sick.  I studied different religions in college.  My own faith/religion/etc. has changed so much over the years.  At times, I've been very conservative and close-minded to very liberal and reckless.  The pendulum has swung both ways-to each extreme and in the middle at times. Now, I'm not sure what I can say about my faith.  I believe in God, and I believe Jesus is our savior.  However, I have so many questions.  I find myself having a lot of problems with r...

Oh my goodness, I love Pandora.  I've been listening to it each evening on my laptop whilst I check Facebook, e-mail, and various whatnots.  I put in the title of the song "Bad Day" (the Fuel version, not the Powter guy), and every song that comes on is full of nostalgia and emotion for me.  Love it! Originally I was going to title this blog something entirely different, and now I can't even remember what it was except that it was entirely negative, not because I'm feeling entirely negative, but because of the content I had in mind for tonight's blog. Over the weekend, I tried on wedding dresses for the 2nd time, and even though it started as a total failure, fate had a hand in things.  Just as we were getting ready to go to IKEA for surely some shopping success, a girl came in and tried on a dress that I've been eyeing via internet for some time now.  Of course, my mom told me I must try it on, and I took the timing of it all to be my sign to actuall...

Note from the author: I wrote this blog a little over 3 years ago, and I felt like sharing it...what a great thing to be able to look back upon.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ever since I was a very little girl, not even older than 3 or 4, I have had a strong gut belief that 23 would be a pivotal point in life.  I could never place my thumb on how or why I would feel that way, yet the feeling only grew stronger as I aged.  Shortly after my 23rd birthday, better known as the Wilson Wedding or "21 again, again," I reflected upon and doubted this instinct that I've always had. Nothing seemed too terribly thrilling as I ushered in the new year and new age.  Coffee slinging and interning were what my existence was measured by for the first 4 months of 2007.  Certainly, those experiences shaped me and affected me, and I will carry those with me alwa...

White wedding?  Who do we think we are kidding, anyway?  The Monday morning that Brandon and I found out we were going to be parents, I told him, "Do not propose to me while I'm pregnant."  We'd talked about marriage, but I was adamantly against the idea of getting married while knocked up.  We weren't going to fool God or anyone with that, plus to me it took away my idea of what a wedding and proposal should be.  Of course, there was no way we could've planned or afforded a wedding (or ring, for that matter). Now, here we are engaged and planning an October 8th wedding.  I don't know how we are going to pay for it.  I literally have no clue.  We don't want to do a destination wedding.  We don't want to put it off any longer.  I don't want to do a separate wedding/reception.   Part of me really, really wants the wedding with the dress, the heartfelt ceremony, the celebration of our family becoming "official."  The ot...

Over the past eight years living in the Sunshine State, I've gained wonderful friends, people who I consider to be like family to me.  Every time I learn something new about my friends, I often think about all the things they don't know about me either.  Finding out new things and gaining new insights to the people I care about is like opening a gift.  So here are the things you probably didn't know about me... 1. As a child, I was a part of a group of baton twirlers called the Amerikettes.   2. When I was 10, I DJed for a kids radio station, having the chance to meet Jodi Sweetin from Full House and having a 1-on-1 interview with teen sensation Zachary Ty Bryan from Home Improvement.  I always liked him so much more than that JTT guy. 3. One of my passions as a teenager was black and white photography.  Using SLRs to shoot and actually developing my own film and printing my own pictures was so cathartic.  I was featured in art shows at my high sch...

There are some things in life that I feel uncertain about, such as career choices and what purpose I am supposed to be fulfilling.  Most of the time, I have a feeling that my career is not the finite, end-all-be-all of who I am "going to be" when "I grow up." One thing I am certain of is that I always wanted to be a mom, for as far back as I can remember.  Not once did this desire waiver of the many years of my life, selfish teenage years included.  Year after year, I struggled to find someone to love who would love me back, and even when I found Brandon, it was not without many challenges ahead.  All around me, I watched girls become mothers.  Some of them were literally just that-young girls, that despite my love for them as people, were not yet ready to become mothers.  For some of them, motherhood was the best thing that could have happened.  It helped shape them into the people they were, hidden under layers of other "stuff."  Others I've w...

Do people actually talk anymore?  How often do we have meaningful conversations? I started to think of all this when I realized how much of my adult life has been inundated with acronyms.  First of all, teaching is full of them.  NCLB. AYP. PDP. PMP. IEP. RTI. ESE. ELL. FCAT. SAT. ACT. FELE. SAE. CYA (okay, I just threw that last one in there...) I think the premise behind something matters far more than the words we use to describe it, but then again, that's just me and my wild, radical ideas. Then, enter the world of new mommy message boards.  You've got CDing, BFing, BTDT, FF, ERF, FF, and so on and so forth.  The lingo used is enough to make a hormonal pregnant lady run for the hills screaming! Add in texting and IMing, with its LOLing (who really actually means LOL when they say it?), BRB, AFK, TTYL, G2G, ILY... DVD, SCUBA, MP3...I should write a song!! What gobbilty gook! We update our Facebooks and Twitters for everything from the thrilling fa...

On my drive home tonight, I was thinking about blog topics.  "Maybe I should write about things that annoy me," I thought so cleverly to myself.  I had this great list of things that annoy me and was even going to end it in such a witty way.  But I don't know if that is where I want to focus my attention. Another thought was to write about my lack of motivation and overall stagnation these days.  My motivation level is low, and I'm pretty much just coasting along in so many ways.   Perhaps I could write a little bit about what it is like to be a multifaceted individual (aren't we all?) that can put on a good, strong front, but also go through the battles and challenges of depression, low self-esteem, or life's general ups and downs.  Just seemed...boring. Something else that has been going on lately is that I've felt very detached from a social scene and in my friendships.  Right now I'm going through some challenges with someone who I love...

December is almost here!  December is this week.  This year, like last year, has flown by so fast.  Summer break flew by, then Thanksgiving break.  Three work weeks until Christmas break.  I am so excited for Christmas break, let me tell you!   When I was younger, I remember my parents and other adults talking about how fast time flew by.  I didn't understand back then, but I certainly do now. For instance, I remember once asking my dad how old he was.  His reply was, "Twenty-seven."  "Dad, you're old!" I told him.  On December 31, I will be turning 27.  Brandon just turned 27.  My daughter is 1-1/2.  I remember when she was just 1-1/2 days old.  I remember when we measured her age in weeks.  Now it is in months. Before I know it, we'll be counting her age in years, just like we do for ourselves. Somehow, I think having the job of a teacher seems to make the time fly by even faster.  My job is punc...

Many people that know me know that I enjoy couponing.  I don't do it quite as often as I used to, but I enjoy couponing with my partner-in-coupons, Mom.   She was a couponer back in the day before there were even websites with all the deals laid out in black and white.   Tonight, I decided to try out one of my recent scores, a Schick  Intuition which offers the luxury of all-in-one shaving.  Being pretty lazy in the shaving department, I decided to give it a go.  These retail around $10 at your local drugstore, such as CVS, and around the same price at Walmart even.  Who is going to spend that much?  I might have before couponing, but never again!  I got two of them for free after coupons and CVS extra care bucks. Many of the products I purchase, I give away to friends and family, and I have a box filled to the brim with items just waiting to be donated.  (I just have to get out and drop them off...) However, I will adm...

This week, it seems like death has been a topic on the forefront in my life.  I don't even feel like I can say that without somehow having to face such tragedy myself. When I was at Publix last night, I ran into the mom of one of my former students.  I wasn't even a "real" teacher yet.  This was about 7 years ago, when I was still a volunteer.  That year, I spent much of my free time with a 3rd grade class.  My wavering choice whether to become a teacher or not was decided by the experience I had with that class.  The students were wonderful.  They inspired me.  Anyway, you know those times when you see someone you know and you sometimes say hi, while other times you are too busy?  Well, last night I saw Josh's mom, and I said, "Hey!  You're Josh's mom!"  To which she replied, "Yes, how are you?"  I have been amazed that she always remembers who I am.  I told her I was doing well, and I asked her how Josh was doing....