"It's a nice day for a white wedding..."
White wedding? Who do we think we are kidding, anyway?
The Monday morning that Brandon and I found out we were going to be parents, I told him, "Do not propose to me while I'm pregnant." We'd talked about marriage, but I was adamantly against the idea of getting married while knocked up. We weren't going to fool God or anyone with that, plus to me it took away my idea of what a wedding and proposal should be. Of course, there was no way we could've planned or afforded a wedding (or ring, for that matter).
Now, here we are engaged and planning an October 8th wedding. I don't know how we are going to pay for it. I literally have no clue. We don't want to do a destination wedding. We don't want to put it off any longer. I don't want to do a separate wedding/reception.
Part of me really, really wants the wedding with the dress, the heartfelt ceremony, the celebration of our family becoming "official." The other part of me just wants to be married to Brandon. I want to have his name and share my daughter's last name. I want to call him my husband and not just be saying it to avoid the "weirdness" people have about us being the "bastard family." (By the way, this is a running joke...not meant to be offensive)
I just don't know how we are going to do it. We hardly make ends meet, so how are we going to afford to do a wedding? Our venue is reasonably priced, and we are hoping our dream caterer turns out to be as amazing as she seems. Right now, I am trying to talk myself out of my dream dress thanks to its $850 price tag (even though it is breathtaking and flattering and perfect on me).
The other part of me that wants to run away and get hitched at the local courthouse is my weight. I want to be fit and healthy and beautiful the way I used to be. I dread having photos taken and my self-esteem about the way I look is at an all-time low. That comes from years of extreme bullying and harrassment on top of 18 months carrying around this baby weight. But I digress...those are two other blog subjects entirely.
My hope and wish is that somehow the dream we have of having our wedding, our big day with the family and friends we love will be able to come true. We have lots of budget trimming ideas and DIY ideas and a rustic theme and style we love that should make the prices manageable (aside from the usual cost of photography, food, etc...) enough to celebrate the way we want to.
Our family is small, and we just want to celebrate the fact that we are committed to spending our life building and nurturing this little family we've created. We hope to grow our family, too, but we want to be husband and wife (not just "partners" as we are now called, since boyfriend/girlfriend sounds so juvenile and apparently "partners" is the P.C. term that stretches across all committed-but unrecognized by society-relationships).
Here's to hoping that this time next year I'll be writing of the success and joy we had bringing our family together in an official, amazing way.
The Monday morning that Brandon and I found out we were going to be parents, I told him, "Do not propose to me while I'm pregnant." We'd talked about marriage, but I was adamantly against the idea of getting married while knocked up. We weren't going to fool God or anyone with that, plus to me it took away my idea of what a wedding and proposal should be. Of course, there was no way we could've planned or afforded a wedding (or ring, for that matter).
Now, here we are engaged and planning an October 8th wedding. I don't know how we are going to pay for it. I literally have no clue. We don't want to do a destination wedding. We don't want to put it off any longer. I don't want to do a separate wedding/reception.
Part of me really, really wants the wedding with the dress, the heartfelt ceremony, the celebration of our family becoming "official." The other part of me just wants to be married to Brandon. I want to have his name and share my daughter's last name. I want to call him my husband and not just be saying it to avoid the "weirdness" people have about us being the "bastard family." (By the way, this is a running joke...not meant to be offensive)
I just don't know how we are going to do it. We hardly make ends meet, so how are we going to afford to do a wedding? Our venue is reasonably priced, and we are hoping our dream caterer turns out to be as amazing as she seems. Right now, I am trying to talk myself out of my dream dress thanks to its $850 price tag (even though it is breathtaking and flattering and perfect on me).
The other part of me that wants to run away and get hitched at the local courthouse is my weight. I want to be fit and healthy and beautiful the way I used to be. I dread having photos taken and my self-esteem about the way I look is at an all-time low. That comes from years of extreme bullying and harrassment on top of 18 months carrying around this baby weight. But I digress...those are two other blog subjects entirely.
My hope and wish is that somehow the dream we have of having our wedding, our big day with the family and friends we love will be able to come true. We have lots of budget trimming ideas and DIY ideas and a rustic theme and style we love that should make the prices manageable (aside from the usual cost of photography, food, etc...) enough to celebrate the way we want to.
Our family is small, and we just want to celebrate the fact that we are committed to spending our life building and nurturing this little family we've created. We hope to grow our family, too, but we want to be husband and wife (not just "partners" as we are now called, since boyfriend/girlfriend sounds so juvenile and apparently "partners" is the P.C. term that stretches across all committed-but unrecognized by society-relationships).
Here's to hoping that this time next year I'll be writing of the success and joy we had bringing our family together in an official, amazing way.
I love your honesty and humor. On a side-ish note, I have friends in the Episcopal tradition, who when touring a Episcopal Seminary and the wife had to wear a name tag with "Holly, Spartner." Hehe, spouse partner, spartner!
ReplyDeleteOh and while this isn't financially responsible advice, do the wedding you want. Have your big day. I by no means regret the way we did it, because it was pretty awesome. But sometimes I think about ways I coulda woulda shoulda done it. You only get one wedding, do it right! :)