Plus One

This week's Phenomenal Mom Friday post was written by my friend Shanna, whom I've known for 10 years!  Shanna shares her amazing story here:

 

There's a quote that goes something like, "Make as many plans as you want, but ultimately it's God's plan you'll follow." I've heard different versions of it my entire life but only recently did it truly make the most sense.

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of growing up, getting married, and having babies. Call me simple and not much of a dreamer. I've always wanted to be a wife and a Mommy. However, when you're little, things seem very simple and as we grow up we learn the world is not as easy going as it appeared when we were children. 

Wedding bells

I married the love of my life, George, 4 years ago this past June 8th. We've been together for 8. He might not be the perfect man, but he's perfect for me. Right off the bat, we knew we wanted kids but decided to have a 'honeymoon' period for a few years before we started trying. When it came to that time, I learned I had PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Not a problem, it just meant that I had to try less natural ways to get pregnant. Thankfully after two months of taking Chlomid (a fertility drug) we learned we were pregnant. Everything was great. I had no morning sickness, I didn't gain a lot of weight, I didn't have a single problem in those first 23 weeks. Around week 24 I began to swell. A lot. In my hands, feet, face. Everywhere. I knew something was off so I made an appointment with my OB. Over the next couple of weeks, we saw a steady rise in my protein output and in my blood pressures. After the longs weeks of steady increases in all these areas, on March 7th, my entire world changed.

I was 26 weeks, 3 days when I was diagnosed with Preeclampsia. I was promptly transported via ambulance from my near-by hospital 10 minutes from my house in the suburbs of Cincinnati to a downtown Cincinnati hospital who was more capable to handle my prognosis. Upon arriving, they prepared me for a C-Section and told me I'd most likely be having the baby that night. When you think about getting pregnant and having a baby, this is not the ideal situation you picture. My sister in law had a baby in January and everything had gone right for her--All the family gathered, waited for hours in the maternity waiting room.. Everything you think of. Not me. Our family gathered but instead of joyful anticipation, it was terrified horror. It was not the plan for me now. I didn't end up giving birth that night. I was given Magnesium-Sulfate to lower my blood pressure and two steroid shots to help speed up development of my baby's lungs. We needed to make it to the 48 hour mark and we would be out of the danger zone of immediate delivery. And we did. We made it nearly 4 more weeks.

However, in the course of the those weeks, I was hospitalized and on bed rest. And when I say bed rest, I mean 'you can only shower once every other day and only for a 15 minute time period' bed rest! I did what needed to be done for my son. I would stay in bed rest for years if it meant he was healthy. But yes, it was miserable. My husband still had to work, we still had bills. Bills didn't stop because of my current situation. He would stay with me through the week and then work doubles on the weekends to get his 40 hours. When he was gone, my Mother, my sister, my friends..  They came to stay with me and keep me company. Well, most of them did. When something like this happens in your life it's easy to see who really cares about you and unfortunately, who doesn't. So I did have some disappointment while I was there in realizing some of these harsh truths but ultimately, I know God was just showing me more of His plan, not my own.

On March 30th my Pre E finally advanced enough to be transferred to Labor and Delivery. On March 31st I was induced, slowly. On April 1, at just 30 weeks gestation, my son George was born. He was 2lbs 9oz. 15.25 in long. I remember them telling me he wouldn't cry and to be prepared for that considering he was premature. And when I couldn't see him, I finally asked out loud if he was okay and from across the room, behind the haze of NICU doctors, I heard him cry. I had been so tense that I literally felt my body slump back into the bed. It was not from physical exhaustion, because God decided I had had enough problems and deserved an easy delivery. I went from 5cm to Little George being out in a matter of 20 minutes! It was pure relief. My tiny baby was telling me he was okay. 

Happy family

So peaceful!

His first few days were rough. He went from a bubble CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) to a Ventilator to a Oscillator in a matter of a day. In the coming days, he made his way back to a bubble CPAP. Throughout April he was able to do 'windows' onto a nasal cannula, which is the thin clear tube people generally think of when they think of someone needing oxygen. However, he had a rough time with that and in May he was only on the CPAP machine, even having to increase his pressures on it. He was able to move out of the isolette and into a 'big boy bed' as they call it. He's never had a problem with gaining weight or brain bleeds or any other common preemie troubles and for that I am so thankful. In May, I also returned to work. Short term disability only covers those 6 glorious weeks immediately after birth and that's it. That has been the toughest part. I know there is not a lot I can really do for him at this point except to hold him and be by his side. But at least when I was off of work, I felt that I could be at the hospital at the drop of a hat. Not now. I'm clocked in and expected to perform my best while my sweet baby is still at the NICU working his best to get better. I'd be lying to say that I've been a good employee since I've been back. There are days that I've woken up and instead of getting dressed for work and heading in to put hours on the clock, I've instead picked up the phone and called in. My heart is not there and some days it's impossible to be anywhere else than with him.

Sweet baby G

Mommy & baby

 This is easily the most confusing time of my life. I'm over joyed, blessed, happy. I'm worried, scared, and heartbroken. And yes, guilt. There are plenty of feelings of guilt even though I know in my head I could have done nothing to prevent this. My heart speaks otherwise. Whatever I'm feeling and wherever this journey takes me, I have a wonderful and supporting husband who has been there for me every minute of every day and sometimes at his own feeling's expense. He has been my rock and I don't know that I could be doing this without him. I believe situations like ours can really make or break a couple. For us, it's only made us stronger. We went into this together. And we'll come out of it together.. plus one. 

Precious!