untitled
After speaking with my wonderful sister-in-law Jessica this evening, I decided I should probably blog. We talked a lot about a lot of things (as we always do), and one thing we discussed was being introverted versus extroverted about things.
Most of the time, I am extroverted (could you tell??), but there are indeed times that I am not. This would be one of those times.
I have a tendency to share too much. Maybe it isn't too much. I feel like somehow if I am not sharing all my struggles, my nuances, and my "dirt," I am being less than authentic. Or I feel like I am pretending.
I realize most, if not all, people have things they prefer to keep to themselves. I understand that totally. I just can't shake the feeling that I am somehow a fake, an imposter, when I am not fully disclosing.
Maybe it is my fear of lacking the perfection I've always strived for (and missed) in my life.
I don't feel like a great mom or even a very good mom right now. My little one has been being a typical 2-year-old, which includes stubbornness, refusing to listen and/or follow directions, and just general all around craziness. And it makes me feel crazy. It makes those anxieties and invasive thoughts just go through the roof. Those thoughts and feelings make me feel like an awful mom...and totally unworthy of such a sweet, wonderful, precious little girl. Because if I was a perfect mom, a good enough mom, I'd be totally blissful, joyous, un-frazzled, and unfazed by the stresses of motherhood and life in general.
Sometimes I just don't feel like telling the world I feel like the world's most awful mother when all I want is to be the best mother possible. There are no words to describe the deep and endless love I have for my daughter...and how I want to be enough for her.
Most of the time, I am extroverted (could you tell??), but there are indeed times that I am not. This would be one of those times.
I have a tendency to share too much. Maybe it isn't too much. I feel like somehow if I am not sharing all my struggles, my nuances, and my "dirt," I am being less than authentic. Or I feel like I am pretending.
I realize most, if not all, people have things they prefer to keep to themselves. I understand that totally. I just can't shake the feeling that I am somehow a fake, an imposter, when I am not fully disclosing.
Maybe it is my fear of lacking the perfection I've always strived for (and missed) in my life.
I don't feel like a great mom or even a very good mom right now. My little one has been being a typical 2-year-old, which includes stubbornness, refusing to listen and/or follow directions, and just general all around craziness. And it makes me feel crazy. It makes those anxieties and invasive thoughts just go through the roof. Those thoughts and feelings make me feel like an awful mom...and totally unworthy of such a sweet, wonderful, precious little girl. Because if I was a perfect mom, a good enough mom, I'd be totally blissful, joyous, un-frazzled, and unfazed by the stresses of motherhood and life in general.
Sometimes I just don't feel like telling the world I feel like the world's most awful mother when all I want is to be the best mother possible. There are no words to describe the deep and endless love I have for my daughter...and how I want to be enough for her.
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